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LEXX Convention: UnCon Halifax, Nova Scotia, Saturday, 12 August 2000
Part III


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Saturday, 12 August 2000

Part II

Where the Bug has a LARGE cup of calorific Hot Chocolate and discovers the marvels of Marginal Road: Has a disaster times two and orchestrates a cluster choir......


06.30: A bit of a lie in today - NOT!! - am wide awake and up and at 'em, so TRY to finish some post cards. Got a pile off in the post yesterday after trolling about for ages, but as usual, forgot to do a load. Zoom down to the canteen and do my regular trick of setting the revolving toaster on fire...ah well, this IS Canada...they are even calmer than the Brits... 'cos no one seems to be too perturbed at this happy fat arsonist wrecking her toast.......

09.00 ish..Now, I cannot remember but...it's gotta be Jean hammering on my door....and meet up with Kali, Chencha and Passivity 'cos today is THE day!! Morning is free, so we can get some errands done and then we are due to amble over to the 'Electrolysis Studios'...still can't pronounce ELECTROPOLIS!!!....so with gusto, taxis and excitement we amble on down town.

Now, here's a thing:-

In Eire...you can find a Post Office open on a Saturday Morning....

In Sydney...you could find a Post Office open Saturday Mornings....

In The Gambia....you could find a Post Office ( of sorts ) open on a Saturday Morning....

In Paris, I found somewhere to get stamps on a Saturday Morning.....

Even in bleedin' Penzance...you can find a Post Office open on a Saturday Morning!!!

So.....could some kind soul tell me WHY Halifax's main Post Office was SHUT on a Saturday Morning!!!! AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't get me posties off.....and it will be a waste of time after today, because I will be back home by then...BUGGER!!!!!!!

Right, now that's off me chest, we go a prowling..and all I can do is try to sweat....( Ladies do NOT sweat Bug!! They perspire....hehehehehe.... ) with some form of dignity.....!! Taking in some of the sights and shops..( Still can't find a wooly hat to save me life!! )...and eventually end up at the coffee shop where we were the night before ( anyone remember the name? ). We stop off for a refresher before heading off to the Studios. I go mad and have a Hot Chocolate drink ( slightly less sinful in Mormon terms than decaff!!! ) plus a sticky bun and we chat about stuff. My usual problem is with the high stools, but even though I am twice the size now than when a volunteer coast guard, I remember the technical lesson on cliff face climbing....that is HANG ON and DRAG!! If someone could fill me in on the chat, I would be very grateful! Anywhoosie, we brave the loos again and start on our trek to the studios.

12.30 pm-ish: So, with our hearts in our mouths..plus VERY large bags for any goodies ( I giggle at Jean, who earlier bought a GI-NORMOUS bag with 'Nova Scotia' scrawled on the side..) And round the corner to where the studios are. At the top of the hill, we meet MicroMary and Ed, Ghoul and Sean, Kalatar and a few other souls. We arrive early of course, as most good humble acolytes do, and wind our way down through the high wire gates in to the parking lot. Here, we meet other lexxians, Knightwolf, Poet Man, Charmaine and Mike, Delly...then are joined by Darrow, Stardancer and Muse, Cookie and Mitch...in fact everyone, including Morrow, Tosca and Cass, I believe...but they were off in a corner somewhere so didn't get to speak to them...shy perhaps. Again apologies for any forgotten names!! But photos will be posted !! The Guilty WILL be identified! Heheheh!!!!!

A lot of photos are taken...and, of course, my alter-ego ( no...not the Respectable one...)...leaps into being. SUPANERDY-FANNETTE arrives and has her picture taken kissing the hallowed ground of the Electropolis car park...under the studio sign. *Ohhhhh!!!* , almost a religious experience!!! And so it continues until Brian Downey arrives with camera and tripod slung over his shoulder for Mary Elizabeth, who is a film producer and who also filmed some sequences for Space's documentary on series 3...but more about that later!!!

The studios are smaller than I imagined, but I forget there is a huge building out the back, really only visible from the estuary, even so...when we are finally shown through the hallowed doors..it's like walking into another world, even though, in reality it looks like a small factory warehouse. The long room is 'L' shaped to the rear, and a crafty look round reveals a long ramp going up a walled off area. The rear of the room has a clever mural of the corridor expanding. There are benches laid out for us to sit on, food laid out on a table at the back ( aaawww!!!! SWEET!! ) and dealer tables to the other side. There is also a long bench and a smaller room off to the left side where loos and offices are located. There is also a TV/Video set up...as Brian explains...so we can peek at some out takes and a documentary on the making of series 3 that is due to be shown in September on the Space Channel. He gives us the low down on the afternoon's activities, a look around the bridge, vids and chat, raffle and some merchandise etc...but I'm too stupified to take in all that he said.

Then...........

We are lead......up the ramp by Dave Dagley......and enter through a door onto the Lexx bridge itself!!! It's a marvellous creation!! Bigger than I expected, well over 20 feet high and quite a circumference, but as always it looks bigger on film with the lighting. I cannot quite believe I am on this thing!! We are encouraged to look about and take pictures. Dave explains some of the areas...including a high ramp for overhead shots, lighting techniques and the like. The set is usually more opened up for filming..I presume that means the dividing wall comes down.....( I will check my video on return home... ) and I am amazed at some of the material that is used...such as bubble wrap!! ( Note...never, NEVER let my David or his mother near here...they LOVE popping bubble wrap and would demolish the bridge in minutes!! ) That makes up the texture of the bridge components, as well as the mouldings that make up the structure. I should have a load of technical questions to ask...since I am married to a photographer, but that goes COMPLETELY out of the window...or out of the Lexx bridge rather, as I try to take in what is happening. We are asked if we wanted the halogen lighting on for photos..but as a group decline and keep to the subdued lighting. It's hot enough and the halos would serve only to bake us more. Brian points out some areas of the bridge such as the Lexx's view screen...which is very small and some of the corridors that lead off to the imaginary areas of the Lexx. At some point here, I think, Lunatic and Klaatu turn up, having lost their way from Peggy's Cove. At least they were still able to join in the fun!!

We then take the MILLIONS of photos of all of us standing at the console with arms out stretched. I have a little difficulty as I am so short, getting up onto the thing and find that the metal arm rests are up by my shoulders...but no matter..!!! Cap'n Buggy is on the bridge!! Brian is VERY accommodating in having his piccy taken surrounded by us female lexxians...heheheheh....and I end up having a cuddle from His Tweedle-ness for a photo.....but do not notice that Brian has his tongue out in the direction of my right ear....still...very cuddly though...*AHEM!!*..er...sorry David, Mary Elizabeth.....heheheheheh.....

Right!! Enough evidence for the divorce courts!! I do SUPANERDY-FANETTE again and get down to KISS the hallowed deck of the Lexx, hopefully where His Michael-ness may have stood, sad am I not!! The evidence for the Sanity Commission is taken by Renee Fournier, of a large Buggy backside propped up, as her slobbering lips leave their mark on the raised deck area!! We are then ushered down to the hall again, where videos are shown. First is the promo that was done ages ago, to sell the concept of Lexx, with a younger Stanley Tweedle dressed in black, rather than red. Then some wonderful out takes, including one where poor Brian nearly gets killed on location!! This is also included in the Space documentary of the making of series 3, so will fold both descriptions in to one. Brian does not swim. He is decarbonised a la Kai when it comes to water, he sinks..( Which isn't good news for a Newfoundlander I suspect...!! ). Heh...well it appears that he must don a wetsuit and get into the water, off a lovely Namibian beach...and is initially reassured that the water won't be too rough and the waves would be 'small..'

Now, I don't know what the definition of the word 'small' is to the episode director, but all I see - as did Brian - is pounding surf!! ( Boy!! I would have been out there in shot with me boogie board...scaring the fishes!! ) and Brian states that he was 'concerned'..... heheheheheheh!!!! Well, the poor bugger is required to lie face down into the water and to be washed up. But what we see is Brian being swept along with frightening force, headlong into a LARGE camera tripod as well as being swamped by sea water!! Not fun at the best of times...but to a non swimmer? My estimation of Brian's dedication to his work shoots up another 10,000%. His partner, Mary Elizabeth, was filming that particular segment for Space...she told us later, she came THAT close to slinging her camera aside and diving in after her beloved.......

But all's well that ends well and we enjoy further out takes of Brian and Michael hanging from flight wires for the falling scene in 'Girl Town'...heheheheheh...we laugh at Brian's obvious discomfort as body brace digs in to his....er....tender bits!!! We see Michael McManus spinning on his wires ( I think Michael is a frustrated trapeze artist!! )...obviously enjoying himself to the HILT...and...... ( OMG!!! Pat's gonna wet her knickers when she sees THIS!!! ) Looking sooo sexy in his blue toga and firing his Kyuodo bow...and bowing, with accompanying flashy smile, as he receives a round of applause from the crew. I thought this was from admiration of his technique, but apparently, it was as much from relief, as Michael isn't renowned for his targeting......like accidently..? ( Fess up Michael!! ) slamming a basket ball in to the director's....bits....during filming on Gametown....heheheheheh!!!

And there is a FABULOUS bit of chat between Brian and Nigel Bennett. The two are looking 'sew tewwibly, tewwibly Bwitish' with small brolleys doing a terrific impression of stalwart Brit colonialists discussing the weather....great accents!! Not bad for a lad from Newfoundland...and a lad from Wolverhampton!! Sew Chaps...tiffin done..we are then treated to some merchandise. I grab two post cards to get signed for friends...Gwen and Jacha.....plus hand over a little pressie to Mary Elizabeth on behalf of all of us. I also at some point in the proceedings get dragged back on to the bridge. Sharon is right...a religious experience is DEFINATELY required here. We sing the Brunnen G anthem there and others join in...( Just so happens I have the words to 'Brigadoom' on me...heheheheheheh!!! )...and some more photos are taken. I am very reluctant to leave..and STILL somehow manage not to peek up the imaginary corridors.

The raffle now is drawn, and some fab prizes are given away!! WhooHoo!!!! I get a signed copy of the Gametown script!! Delly gets Stan's Series 3 Boiler suit, Jean gets a Priest's cossie, Justin gets the Black stanley suit, and others get goodies ranging from posters to other props. We all hang around for a bit...but time is pressing on! Must get back and get tarted up for the evening do at the Dalhousie Union Building...but do not realise until later.......I have left two rolls of precious film at the studio!!!!

5.00 pm - 7pm-ish: So, back to Shirreff for another nipple stinging shower. Hmmm...what shall I wear? Got me lovely cream linen suit...that has a light pink stain on the back!! OMG!! Ah, well, won't be too noticeable when the lights go down....slap on makeup with a trowl and pegs, to fill in the creased bits on me face.....splash of cheap Evans Perfume....shoes...sod it...sandals....cash....keys....Buggy's gonna hit TOWN!!!!!!! So, deluding myself into thinking I look ABSOLUTELY...firkin'... FABULOUS DAHLINKS!! I saunter down to the hall to await my carriage, that will glide me to the Student Union Building. The carriage arrives and I slip into the back seat. The cab pulls up outside a large modern building. There are some gentlemen arranging some stuff close by. I pay yer man in the cab, open the door, step out so that the world can ADMIRE this FASHIONABLE happy fat woman...stand up and then.......KEEERRRRAAAAAKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......find that the sidewalk isn't where I think it is...and fall arse over tit on to solid pavement....

I manage to crawl up on to my feet...the cab driver looking nonchalantly at me saying... ' you had a fall there...( No shit Sherlock!! )...you ok eh...?' I decide that I am going to be TERRIBLY BRITISH about this and reply.... ' but of course...h'aim fein..thank yoh!!!' and saunter...stagger rather...off towards the entrance....with 790's words 'Oh...that's gotta HURT!!!' ringing in my ears. The twenty or so other Lexxians waiting in the hall did not miss the event either....and I cover up my EXTREME embarressment by laughing it all off...and get my own back by examining my knee right there and then. Ok, so what's a couple of pints of blood....( and later found out, a possibly fractured patella )... it's all in aid of Lexx!!!

Anywhoosie...after bathing my injuries, we are joined by Cookie with t-shirts and name CAPS!!! Not badges!! This dear woman has made caps in the style of TWEEDLE for all of us attending...with our names on and everything!! Cookie looks STUNNING in a snug fitting leather or PVC...not sure which...dress. The evening hots up....Muse looks fab in long dress....Lunatic looks WONDERFUL in her clothes...where d'ya get 'em Luna!!! I am only sorry I did not have more time with this lovely lady...but there's always NEXT year!!!!! MissJean is wearing a necklace from her priest's cossie and that looks wonderful. Herheheheh..then I am approached by Shukaido and a few others!! They announce they have a pressie for me, seeing as I WANT the codpiece, they got me one....and they certainly did! A piece of dried salted cod with seven cocktail sticks in it!! I am...overwhelmed....by my fellow Lexxians' concern for my welfare...*SNIFF!!* and dutifully chew on a bit!! Lex Gigeroff and his family join us, as does Hannes Nothegger ( who looks not unlike MM.!!! ) and we have our hats signed by the Bean himself. I am dead chuffed to find that Lex recognises my name from the bored and my sig...and signs my hat.... ' from the Planet of Happy Fat Writers..'

Well, by now...I remember that I had left me rolls of film at 'Electrolysis' and start asking around, if anyone has seen them. Someone points me in the direction of Dave Dagley, who we met earlier at the studios. He can remember seeing the films...but not remember where he put 'em and the poor sod nearly drives himself crazy trying to remember!! He was treated for an aneurysm years before, in the brain, so that has affected his short term memory, but he knows he has put them somewhere. He tells me that if I turn up at the studios the next morning or evening...they will be there. The man is my HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!

We boogie on down, but earlier, I had hatched a plan with Muse about a tribute choir for Brian, who also helped in setting up studios etc, for us. Of course the tune was going to be the Tweedle Song ( Stan's version ) from Gigashadow...so had only managed the cursory hissed instruction to those commandeered to join in....that when we get to the line before 'ASSSSS ' the choir will PAUSE!! I have EXTREMELY limited conducting experience...but this WILL work!! Having the only copy of the song did not help much either!!! Especially as some...like Muse...were not familiar with the words!!! So, with fingers crossed, we carry on boogieing down, hoping our earlier rehearsal will have sufficed. I can't say my dancing skills are wonderful...but I succeed in not killing anyone and hope to drop a few pounds in weight.

All of us more energetic types get on to the floor...and eventually I collapse...so glad they didn't play 'Time Warp' from 'Rocky Horror..' I love that song and have been known to have hernias dancing to it!!! But at least I get the chance of catching up with a few peeps. I get to chat to a few and am sorry to find that Lunatic has to leave the next day. Aaud is going around collecting autographs with a lovely book she had won, made from what looks like hand made paper. Or was that as a gift to Cookie? I can't remember!!!

By now, nerves set in...where's the Tweedle? I hope Brian will turn up...but eventually he does and the choir are RAPIDLY dragged together onto the floor and piled into a group. I hiss the cue instructions to them...and then...when our guests of honour are seated.....start....very badly....!!! I am misleading them with the words and the song breaks up...but no matter..soldier on people!! ( Like I had to when in an amateur show... my dress fell down in front of a hundred people..!!! ) and we crawl to the end. We're about to slope off the floor when Lex leaps up and says how AWFUL that was and DEMANDS we do it again, profferring his two innocent (?) children to help us out. So....we start again...and get through to where I cue all to stop....forgetting that I hadn't primed the Gigeroff offspring to pause.......with the result two sweet, angelic voices sang out...very loudly.....AAAASSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All on their very ownsomes!!!!!!!

There is a nano-second's worth of silence and the whole room erupts into hysterical laughter and applause!! With tears running down my face, I have to get off the floor to find my inhaler!!! Never in the history of any fan related event ANYWHERE that I have EVER been to ( And I have been to a few over the years...believe me!! ) have there been such hysterics!! Those children will grow up to be fabulous adults!!! I know that Darrow and Stardancer have taped this and will get a copy...one day!! I think Alex or someone had rushed over and gotten the 'lil children's autographs...so, dear Kind Lex...could we borrow 'em again NEXT year!! Huh, Huh, Huh, please, please, I promise not to let Muse give you any more political satires...honest!!!

After that rousing choral..the party continues and then it's outside time. All the smokers and a few of us non smokers gather out the front for chats and a cool down. I manage to have a good chin wag with Mary Elizabeth for a while. Over in a corner I spot Andre Haines, Lex's brother, who is a composer, musician and actor ( He penned the lyrics to 'Brigadoom' AND did voice overs.., played fighter No.1 on 'Lafftrack'and Doily in 'Girltown.' a marvellous talent ). He had been there earlier but it's the first time I get to see him. I'm about to go over and say 'Hi..' but he is with his nephew and niece...so it's not appropriate.

Anywhoosie...as time wears on...it's decided that some of us will migrate to the Economy Shoe Shop. Brian orders up a stack of Taxis and we all wind out way there.

Before continuing....I had better take the opportunity to thank a very special lady for her efforts in organising this event...so:

THANK YOU COOKIE!!! YOU'RE A SWEETHEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11.30 pm-ish ? So, again, the Economy Shoe Shop is invaded by hoards of Lexx fans again......and we somehow manage to squeeze in to a corner at the back. Now, here we have some perversity going on. For some reason...someone has these DREADFUL books written apparently by a Professor of Literature...did I get that right......that turns out to be one looonnngggg S&M fantasy. The bet is...that where ever you open in the book, there will be a sex scene or near as dammit anyway. The book is passed at random and you have to read a paragraph from it. Heheheheheh...there's a LOT of 'Ohh...mercy master ( interestingly Jeremy Webb turns up amidst all this...)...etc..' It is funny to start off with...I give up after standing to read '..as I approached the Street of The Writhing Slaves..' and not long after, Jeremy Webb is given a slot...only to read out '...Yes master...Yes Master..Yes Master...' and gives up when he realises he HASN'T got a good bit!!! Eventually though...we do run out of good bits.....Brian and Mary Elizabeth turn up and we get to chat as a group again. Time winds on and I must away to bed. Some stay on..as Brian is well into his story telling...Mary Elizabeth calls 'time..' and goes on home. Heheheh...I sympathise, as my David used to hang on after closing time...mind you...he would come home quite quickly...'cos I usually had the cash and took it with me!!!! Heheheheh....from the looks of it, MissJean and party will be up VERY late with Brian and his tales.

So, with the fact I have to retrieve my films from the studios in the morning, I bit goodnight to Delly, Mary Elizabeth and anyone else about and head home to bed...cos tomorrow...

We'll be a watching WHALES me hearties!!! HaarrHaarrr!!!!!!



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