1 00:00:10,388 --> 00:00:12,388 I am the Lexx 2 00:00:12,389 --> 00:00:17,096 I am the most powerful weapon of distraction in the two Universes. 3 00:00:36,290 --> 00:00:38,490 LEXX: Rated 4 00:00:40,730 --> 00:00:42,880 This is the Lexx. It’s a spaceship. 5 00:00:43,298 --> 00:00:46,042 But it’s also a big bug. And this is me. 6 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,383 Again. Ok, ok! So I’m a robothead! 7 00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:53,203 But just for now I hope. Lexx, let’s tell our story. 8 00:00:54,081 --> 00:00:59,325 We can only tell our story so far because our story is far from over. 9 00:01:00,235 --> 00:01:04,865 While traveling along just now I into a time space anomaly. 10 00:01:05,553 --> 00:01:09,616 And I think the anomaly is giving me a strangely clear sense of clarity is that 11 00:01:09,674 --> 00:01:12,342 who I am or rather clearly was. 12 00:01:12,747 --> 00:01:16,817 And I am experiencing an unfamiliar lucidity as well. 13 00:01:17,087 --> 00:01:20,681 Relative lucidity… You can start telling our story now, Lexx. 14 00:01:21,035 --> 00:01:25,375 My captain is Stanley Tweedle. I do everything he commands. 15 00:01:30,053 --> 00:01:31,780 The utterly useless, 16 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:37,186 totally incompetent, 17 00:01:38,439 --> 00:01:40,498 incredibly repulsive, 18 00:01:42,181 --> 00:01:44,126 completely cowardly, 19 00:01:44,127 --> 00:01:45,847 We worship His Shadow and beg his forgiveness 20 00:01:45,848 --> 00:01:47,976 absolutely abominable 21 00:01:48,831 --> 00:01:53,507 Stanley H Tweedle is unfortunately in fact our captain. 22 00:01:54,189 --> 00:01:58,347 And he’s constantly getting himself and everyone else in problems. 23 00:01:58,884 --> 00:02:00,385 I must be in the wrong place. 24 00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:09,922 Not at all, Stan. You're exactly in the right place, for what I have in mind. 25 00:02:12,151 --> 00:02:16,306 But there’s also two other crew members: the dead man Kai and Zev… 26 00:02:17,279 --> 00:02:20,190 gorgeous wonderful likable Zev! 27 00:02:20,711 --> 00:02:24,100 If I only had a tongue I would place it on her lips. 28 00:02:24,219 --> 00:02:27,264 If I only had a tongue I would slide it down her hips. 29 00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:30,790 If I only had a tongue I would make her grunt and squeak. 30 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:34,553 If I only had a tongue I would plant it on her kip. 31 00:02:34,769 --> 00:02:37,641 I thought that we were going to tell our story so far. 32 00:02:38,209 --> 00:02:42,615 Sorry. Let’s go back to the security guard. Get that out of the way first. 33 00:02:43,088 --> 00:02:47,507 Stanley Tweedle was one of the Ostral B heretics, the enemies of the Divine Order. 34 00:02:48,213 --> 00:02:50,713 The one day coming back from a sex satellite 35 00:02:50,857 --> 00:02:53,279 he let His Shadow’s forces right into his own camp. 36 00:02:53,492 --> 00:02:55,845 Vessel approaching at 3 quadrant, identify yourself 37 00:02:56,246 --> 00:02:59,567 It's me, assistant deputy backup courier Stanley Tweedle. 38 00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:02,841 All vessels to battle stations! League intruder approaching in 3 quadrant 39 00:03:03,105 --> 00:03:07,577 No, it's me, Stanley Tweedle, assistant deputy backup courier. 40 00:03:07,703 --> 00:03:09,990 I was just visiting the Celes pleasure transport 41 00:03:21,318 --> 00:03:23,152 Divine Shadow upon me! 42 00:03:46,186 --> 00:03:49,997 All the Ostral B heretics were killed except Stanley Tweedle. 43 00:03:51,556 --> 00:03:53,273 Ostral B heretics, come in. 44 00:03:53,744 --> 00:03:56,735 This is assistant deputy backup courier Stanley Tweedle. 45 00:03:57,829 --> 00:03:59,730 I'm low on air and awaiting instructions. 46 00:04:03,780 --> 00:04:06,578 Ostral B heretics please come in. 47 00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:10,099 This is assistant deputy backup courier Stanley Tweedle. 48 00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:12,105 Awaiting instructions. 49 00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:20,864 This is SubCom Feppo, Ostral B Sector 245 command. 50 00:04:21,275 --> 00:04:25,598 Tell us where you are, Stanley Tweedle, and we'll come and say hello 51 00:04:25,709 --> 00:04:27,687 I'm transmitting my co-ordinates - 52 00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:37,405 Can't you tell where I am by my signal, SubCom Feppo? 53 00:04:37,898 --> 00:04:42,212 Your direct signal is too weak. We are reconstructing reflections 54 00:04:43,466 --> 00:04:44,922 How do I know you're the real thing? 55 00:04:45,543 --> 00:04:49,485 Who else would be way out here scanning low power signals? 56 00:04:50,393 --> 00:04:51,175 Mercenaries 57 00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:57,612 Suffocation is not exactly a nice way to die. 58 00:04:59,043 --> 00:05:03,390 Tell me Stanley, how often do ships normally pass this way? 59 00:05:05,661 --> 00:05:12,668 And aren't we both transmitting on an encrypted stream I didn't know any mercenaries had access to? 60 00:05:14,725 --> 00:05:16,608 OK, I buy that 61 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:23,978 Thank you, Stanley Tweedle. And Stanley? 62 00:05:24,779 --> 00:05:26,050 Yes, SubCom Feppo? 63 00:05:27,555 --> 00:05:30,901 How do spell sucker? sucker? sucker? 64 00:05:34,284 --> 00:05:36,752 Stanly did not exactly hold up on the torture. 65 00:05:37,325 --> 00:05:41,040 And the Divine Order soon found the amino acids codes hidden in his teeth, 66 00:05:41,125 --> 00:05:44,260 which they used to destroy the 94 reform planets. 67 00:05:49,375 --> 00:05:52,554 Stanley himself was taken on the Cluster and made a security guard. 68 00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:56,647 And has been famous as the arch traitor Stanley Tweedle ever since. 69 00:05:58,435 --> 00:06:03,745 You! You, I know you! Stanley Tweedle - it's him! 70 00:06:04,339 --> 00:06:06,525 Stanley Tweedle! Murderer! 71 00:06:09,529 --> 00:06:11,268 Stanley Tweedle! 72 00:06:15,648 --> 00:06:18,650 But Stanly could not cut it. Even as a fourth class security guard. 73 00:06:18,874 --> 00:06:21,021 And it wasn’t long before he was in trouble again. 74 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,575 You must enter yourself into correction centre number 40 75 00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:29,189 before watch change today, Stan… Stanley Tweedle. 76 00:06:29,527 --> 00:06:33,436 And may His Merciful Shadow fall upon you 77 00:06:53,007 --> 00:06:59,424 I was supposed to escort a prisoner here - Stanley Tweedle 467329-43 Department 511 Level 4 78 00:06:59,829 --> 00:07:00,325 Yeah? 79 00:07:00,472 --> 00:07:02,131 He is refusing to turn himself in 80 00:07:03,415 --> 00:07:03,957 Yeah? 81 00:07:04,309 --> 00:07:07,448 I thought that if you told me what his punishment would be for not showing up, 82 00:07:07,629 --> 00:07:08,449 that might help persuade him 83 00:07:08,941 --> 00:07:11,002 Oh - give me that number again 84 00:07:11,414 --> 00:07:15,450 467329-43 Department 511 Level 4 85 00:07:18,579 --> 00:07:23,387 If he's not here when we close at watch change - termination order will be issued automatically. 86 00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,834 That's about, er, twenty minutes 87 00:07:27,035 --> 00:07:28,169 Termination?! 88 00:07:28,924 --> 00:07:30,376 That's what it says - termination 89 00:07:30,932 --> 00:07:32,677 But he's a designated data co-operator, 90 00:07:32,749 --> 00:07:36,301 he can't be terminated because he might be needed someday for important information 91 00:07:37,258 --> 00:07:43,059 DDC, eh? Oh, sorry - that expired five months ago. 92 00:07:44,106 --> 00:07:49,752 Let's see - he's a level 4, class 47 transgression, normally - cauterisation. 93 00:07:50,443 --> 00:07:56,887 But he's got 991 demerits and there's a special rotation so, looks like 1 to 3 organs 94 00:07:59,690 --> 00:08:02,248 1 to 3 organs? 95 00:08:02,536 --> 00:08:05,798 He'll have to donate 1 to 3 organs, depending on demand 96 00:08:06,058 --> 00:08:06,517 Demand? 97 00:08:07,271 --> 00:08:11,156 Demand for soft organs is red hot right now, so he's pretty sure to be a triple donor 98 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:14,113 But he didn't do anything, it's just a mix-up! 99 00:08:15,285 --> 00:08:16,796 Life's a mix-up, huh? 100 00:08:25,168 --> 00:08:25,855 What organs? 101 00:08:27,164 --> 00:08:30,916 Usual combo - eyeball, kidney, testicle. 102 00:08:32,024 --> 00:08:36,865 If they want bone, they'll take an arm or a leg, but we haven't done a limb cut in days. 103 00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:39,402 I'd suggest he turn himself in. 104 00:08:39,740 --> 00:08:43,057 After all - triple organ's better than a termination. 105 00:08:49,802 --> 00:08:51,707 Hh - may His Merciful Shadow fall upon you 106 00:09:05,199 --> 00:09:08,240 Stanley Tweedle did not do well under adverse circumstances… 107 00:09:08,895 --> 00:09:11,907 and his circumstances were becoming more and more adverse. 108 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,205 3 organs. 3 organs. 109 00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:20,517 Better than termination… 110 00:09:31,552 --> 00:09:33,492 This correction centre is now closed 111 00:09:39,052 --> 00:09:43,457 It's me! I'm here, I am! 112 00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:50,187 Fugitive alert. Fugitive alert. 113 00:09:50,188 --> 00:09:53,000 This fugitive wanted, for immediate termination 114 00:09:56,301 --> 00:09:59,501 Subtitles: Lunatic, Bankolya, HELEN