I am the Lexx
I am the most powerful weapon of distraction in the two Universes.
790: That was Zev with Stan and Kai.
LEXX: Maybe we should tell her story now.
790: I will, I will. But first I have to finish mine.
Like I said, it was strictly against the rules for production line girls
to engage socially with clerics. And I was definitely planning to engage socially... very socially... So I made my move. And, boy, it was a wrong one. I thought it was the young cleric... but it was the dirty old cleric playing footsy with me!
Next thing I know I’m a prisoner on my way to the Cluster. And then I’m in a core room facing justice. If you can call it that...
DEFENCE: My client Squeeze Pimmel of B1B production line worker is innocent of the charge of making a proper advances to a cleric in the service of His Divine Shadow and exposing a body in public. And throws herself upon the mercy of this court you Squeeze Pimmel of B1B production line worker. Have been found guilty you are therefore sentenced to have your individual life terminated.
However, His Merciful Shadow will allow many of your vital organs to live on,
as components used in the making of robotic drones for purposes that serve His Shadow.... poses that serve His Shadow.
May His Merciful Shadow fall upon you.
I worship His Shadow.
790: That’s my brain. That’s the rest of me.
Being recycled for purposes that serve His shadow. Looks like the end of my story. But it’s not.
LEXX: The anomaly we are in may not last much longer. We should tell Zev’s story.
790: I agree. This is our only chance. And when the anomaly ends you’ll become stupid again and I won’t remember who I really am anymore. So lets talk about Zev.
My darling gorgeous delicious gorgeous wonderful gorgeous Zev!
And there she is! The most beautiful woman whoever lived!
DEFENCE: My client - Zev Bellringer of B3K - is innocent of the charge of failing to perform her wifely duties sand throws herself upon the mercy of this court, secure in the knowledge that His Shadow's wisdom will prevail upon these proceedings
DRONE: Memory search commencing
(Zev's memory shows an irritating teenage boy)
ZEV: You are my every dream come true
BOY: There must be a mistake. There's no way I can marry that cow!
ZEV: Husband - I shall serve - I shall love - I will...
BOY: You make me wanna throw up. Get her outta here!
JUDGE: You - Zev Bellringer of B3K - have been found guilty of failing to perform your wifely duties, and humiliating your husband in the temple. You are therefore sentenced to be transformed into a love slave, and to be given to Seminary 166145 to be used for their pleasure, may His Shadow fall upon you
ZEV: Oh please, put me out of my misery. I volunteer for the protein bank. I don't want to live this terrible life anymore!
And that’s me!
My body parts were turned into a model 790 robot. I was put to work at the Cluster operating the Lusticon, the machine used to turn ugly darkles into beautiful love slaves. The machine that was soon to turn Zev into the woman I love so badly!
Of course I didn’t realize what she was soon going to mean to me...
I was just a standard 790 robot and didn’t think about anything. I started the process to give her the physical part of the love slave transformation. But then some Ostral B rebel heretics began an attack. And they caused Cluster lizards to get loose.
Just before Zev was about to get transformed into a love slave one of the Cluster lizards rolled into a Lusticon chamber and ate my body! Even after eating me the cluster lizard was still hungry. Then it smelled Zev on the slab...
It tried to eat her too but the Lusticon machine went down and cut off its head...
Some of the Cluster lizard’s head was inside the Lusticon with Zev. Its protein fused with her protein and I think it affected on her personality. But I don’t care...
And just before the second stage of the love slave transformation began
Zev picked up my head and put it into machine.
790: I will love you forever
Instead of her falling in love with a cleric I fell in love with Zev!
790: Zev of B3K, don't leave me. No-one will ever worship you like I do.
ZEV: See ya, lover boy.
Meanwhile Stanley Tweedle was still a fugitive on the run. Watch for disguises. Some fugitives may try to fool you.
790: Zev of B3K, you are the woman of my dreams!
DRONES: Zev of B3K, surrender at once
And my beloved Zev had a bad luck to get hogged up with a lowsome security guard.
ZEV: I'm beautiful.
DRONES: Zev of B3K, there is no escape.
790: I'm with you, Zev!
VOICE: Invalid code. Access denied.
DRONES: Zev of B3K, there is no escape. Surrender at once.
(Stan grabs Zev's arm)
STAN: I got her, I have her! I got Zev of B3A!
VOICE: Fugitive alert. This fugitive wanted, for immediate termination.
Zev picks up 790
ZEV: Can you open it?
790: I can open many wonderful things for you, darling of all darling things
STAN: I worship His Shadow, I worship His Shadow!
VOICE: Only authorised persons are admitted to the Special Projects highest level security area. If the system is not able to recognise your facial images from its library of authorised persons, your flesh will be disposed of as useful organic material, and added to the protein bank.
STAN: Doesn't this thing have a down button? It's not fair, I was just doing my job.
ZEV: Life is not fair - something I know well.
VOICE: Special projects elevators offer their special passengers complimentary snacks.
(A compartment containing snacks opens)
VOICE: Upon arrival, you will be welcomed by elite officers of His Shadow's personal guard.
(Stan reaches for a snack, but the compartment closes)
VOICE: The system does not recognise your facial images. You are unauthorised passengers. You will be disposed of as useful organic material to be added to the protein bank. May His Merciful Shadow fall upon you.
(The lift doors open - not elite guards, but Thodin and two heretics)
STAN: Don't shoot! I'm Ostral B!
Zev and Stan then joined with the Ostral B heretics. The heretics were all killed.
But when one of them died he gave Stanley the key to the Lexx and then he became captain.
His Shadow woke up the assassin Kai and instructed him to kill Stan and Zev.
But Zev and Stan escaped from the Cluster with the Lexx.
Transcription - Lunatic
5 Rated LEXX - Lexx
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE декабрь 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana