Lexx 2.04 Luvliner
(written by Jeffrey Hirschfield & Paul Donovan)
(Xev is asleep in her bed. Stan is asleep in his moth. Kai is
asleep in his cryopod. Xev starts writhing and moaning, which wakes Stan
(On the bridge, 790 is on the pedestal, spouting
790: On a branch, there is a fruit
Plump and ripe for
In her bed, there is a body
Hot and right for -
image appears on the view screen - scantily clad girls and guys dancing. It's a
WOMAN: One on one
MAN: Two on two
WOMAN: You on
MAN: Me on you
(The sound echoes through the Lexx - Stan
WOMAN: I got what you need, oh baby, baby. Have you got
something for me?
MAN: How about a little bump and grind, momma? I want to
feel your steam. I want to ladle your cream
(Xev is asleep, but it's
getting through to her. The screen in the cryochamber is also picking up the
WOMAN: Be careful - I'm slippery when wet
MAN: I've been
waiting so long - and it's getting so hard
(Xev writhes on her
MAN: My name is Cortanyo - but you can call me the pulsing
python of passion. I am young, tanned, cut and buffed
MAN: I'm looking for a woman -
790: Not here you're
MAN: - who doesn't tire easily
790: She's not listening!
fair warning ladies - you may never walk again! I've got the love gun - are you
next on my hit list?
(Poor Xev moans)
WOMAN: My name is
Dineeta. Can you guess where my hand is right now?
WOMAN: And do you know what I'd rather have there?
Red alert! Massive object approaching
(This is torture for
WOMAN: I'm young, stunningly gorgeous, and insatiable. I like
my men cuddly, mature, and time-tested
(Stan starts to put his
WOMAN: Are you out there, daddy man? Come to me - ravish
MAN: So leave a message - I'll get back to you. I'll get front to you.
I'll get all over you - because where there's meat, there needs to be
(Xev finally wakes up. She gets dressed and heads for the
bridge, as does Stan)
WOMAN2: Come for romance. Come for sensual
adventure. Come to fan the flames of passion. Luvliner - we're wide open - to
anything. Cruise in and unwind in the sultry lovers' lounge, with its relaxing
garden courtyard. The water in the gilded pool is always warm - and
WOMAN2: And then kick back in one of our deluxe private
accommodations. Then dial up room service. We guarantee your order will arrive -
hot. So why not follow the dream beam to Luvliner - you'll be so glad you did.
You'll find us at Queeb sector, quadrant 6LM7. Hurry - we're waiting for
STAN: Lexx - did you get those co-ordinates?
(Stan and Xev look at each other)
790: Stop looking
at her, you bile inducing lecher!
STAN: So -?
XEV: So -?
STAN: (chuckles) What do
XEV: I think, I want - one of those
(She points at the
pulsing python of passion on the view screen. Stan gets up on the pedestal and
activates the template)
STAN: Lexx - let's go. Hurry
Lexx heads for Luvliner - a small satellite, which doesn't look as bright and
welcoming as it did in the advert)
STAN: Not exactly as
(A scruffy sleazy man in a dressing gown appears on the
view screen - Schlemmi)
SCHLM: (bored) Welcome to Luvliner,
we love having you here. What do you want, speak
XEV: We, we -
SCHLM: Who doesn't? Well, it's all here. We got babes, boys,
beasts, thinner, fatter, hunks, chunks, monks, twins dipped in batter, the
wiggle, the jiggle, the oo la la, people to spank you and sheep to go
790: Right up your alley, Tweedle
STAN: Ha ha
790 onto the floor)
SCHLM: So - what's your poison?
can't we come down and check things out first?
SCHLM: Yeah, sure, what ya
SCHLM: Cash. Coin. Currency. Well, what do you think, the
staff's here for exercise?
XEV: Well, we have no currency
790: Or desire.
Xev, don't do it!
STAN: But we've got things to trade
SCHLM: Well we don't
STAN: But we have -
SCHLM: A hearing problem! No trade
SCHLM: Listen bud - if it was up to me maybe we could bargain, but I'm
not the owner here, and the owner's policy is hard currency only. It's simple -
no money, no honey. So why don't you just take your big bug ship and turn it
around and go and try and find something you can do for free, huh? By the way -
what the hell is that thing? What kind of a loser flies around in a bug?
(laughs) A bug!
STAN: Hey buddy, this is the Lexx, the most powerful
destructive force in the two universes
SCHLM: Come on pal. What do you think,
I'm an idiot? Why don't you just get the hell out of here, before I come after
you with my swatter. This is a sex satellite, OK? Not a retard
790: How about just one retard?
SCHLM: Who said that?
SCHLM: Nobody - like you!
(He laughs, and cuts off
STAN: Did you hear that? Did you hear what he called
me? He called me a nobody!
790: He was rude and unhygienic. Let's be off,
XEV: Stan - you probably don't remember because you were frozen
STAN: He called me a nobody?!
XEV: - but when Kai punctured your heart
and they wouldn't let us into the medical satellite -
gave them a little - demo
STAN: Oh. Ah. Yeah. Of course
up onto the pedestal, activates the template)
STAN: Oh, buddy -
(Schlemmi reappears on the view screen)
SCHLM: I got
things to do and you got no cash - buzz off
STAN: Lexx - could you destroy
that moon please?
LEXX: As you request, Stan
SCHLM: Oh, that's real funny
(There is a large red moon behind Luvliner. Lexx
powers up, and destroys it. Schlemmi has a sudden change of
SCHLM: Er. Oh. Well, um - hey, I completely forgot - do I
work too hard, or what? It's Bob's Comet Day! Yeah, that old Bob's Comet just
flew by, and we like to mark the occasion with, er, samples on the house, yeah.
It's your big time lucky feelgood ho ho Bob kind of day, yeah. We got freebie
visitor pass things, you know, whatever. So, er, why don't you come onboard,
good people? It's time for love
790: Meat love does not
compare to metal love
XEV: I think I'll find that out for myself
(Stan, Xev and 790 fly out in a moth)
XEV: I don't
know Stan. Historically you don't have much luck in places like this
STAN: I have a feeling my luck is about to change
Let's hope so
(Inside Luvliner, they go into the lounge area - not as
it looked n the advert. Loud music, not particularly attractive
790: Times like this, I'm glad I have no sense of
(They walk past bored looking girls - one of whom is turning
down a man who is wearing what looks a lot like a Star Trek
TREK: Come on, please - just a little
GIRL: Hey, I've
been telling you all day - no pay, no lay
TREK: Please, I'm good for
(The gilded pool looks distinctly grubby. A fat old naked man
splashes his hand in the water)
OLD: Hey beautiful - go for a
(Schlemmi is at a counter, behind a metal grille -
which an angry client is rattling)
CLIENT: You cheat! You worm! I'll
kill you! I'll bust you up!
SCHLM: Let go of those bars - now
gimmee the rest of my time, or I get my money back
SCHLM: Oh you do, do you?
You want more time?
CLIENT: I want every bit of my time!
SCHLM: Oh, your
time is over, pal!
(Schlemmi laughs, and pulls a lever, electrifying
the bars. The client falls to the ground, twitching)
it, crawl away! Die slowly, buddy
(He laughs, then sees Stan, Xev
and 790 approach the counter)
SCHLM: Oh, hey - it's so nice to see
you in the flesh. I'm glad you could make it. Ooh, like the head
name is 790, cretin
SCHLM: Hey, whatever you say, I'm easy. So - you the
whole crew? Kind of a big ship for two people
XEV: Two and a
STAN: There's one more onboard, he's not like us though
SCHLM: Oh, so
what's he like?
STAN: Oh, you'd like to know?
SCHLM: No, not really. Just
figured he'd want some fun
STAN: No, he doesn't like fun. He's an assassin.
He's killed people, thousands
SCHLM: That's great
STAN: So where are the
SCHLM: Oh yeah, right, babes (laughs) I guess you're looking
for some real hot fun, right?
(He hands Stan, Xev and 790 perspex
keys, shaped like penises)
SCHLM: OK, the right for you, the left
for you - and head gets the middle. So, all you gotta do is step on in and let's
STAN: By the way, I instructed that our spaceship can blow this
place to smithereens if we're not back onboard in two hours
SCHLM: Yes sir.
Yeah, that's quite a good precaution sir. You know, you can't trust anyone in
this universe these days. You be sure and have a good stay with us, huh? And oh,
by the way - Happy Bob's Comet Day! (laughs)
(Xev puts 790's
key in the lock, and the door opens)
790: Xev, you can't be serious!
There's no-one for me but you! Don't place me in the arms of another!
Come on, a nice lady robot to rub your neck stump - you might like it
(Xev steps inside. The entrance spins round, and she enters a
very grubby looking room. She puts 790 down on the bed, and walks
790: Xev? Xev! Don't leave me Xev!
(Stan puts his
key into the lock - has to try it several times before it works. He walks
straight into a hanging decoration of plastic hearts - about the only decorative
feature of the room. The tiles are old and cracked, the mattress is not nice at
all. Stan sighs, and checks himself out in a broken mirror. He pokes at the
mattress, gets it to lie flat, then sits on the bed)
(Xev's room is also
not very appealing - and has an assortment of sex toys hanging from the wall.
She sits on the bed, and presses a button on a machine nearby. A hologram of
lips appears, and a woman's voice begins to speak)
love seeker. Please take a moment to help us learn just what sort of pleasure
you seek. Your preferences will be carefully processed, and the most appropriate
candidates will be presented to you
(790 is also stating his
790: I'm after Xev
WOMAN: Do you prefer the opposite
sex, your own sex, hybrid, or other alternative? If alternative, please specify
790: Xev! Xev! Xev! Always and forever Xev!
WOMAN: - human, animal,
plant, mineral, machine, virtual, or -
(Stan switches his machine
WOMAN: May your selection bring you the satisfaction you clearly
XEV: Muscles, yes
(A hologram appears, of a muscular
man in a loincloth)
XEV: Hmm - not bad
XEV: Not bad at all
(Stan is not having
much luck - so far the machine is only showing him fat women)
No, no, no - you're kidding, aren't you? There's a funny part,
(And now the hologram shows him a rear view of one of Xev's
hunks, bending over)
STAN: Must we?
(790 is offered a
toaster, then a blender)
790: No, Xev! Xev, Xev,
(Stan is still getting fat women)
STAN: Is this
(Meanwhile, a ship is heading to Luvliner. A leather
clad man with a shaved head is speaking to Schlemmi)
Aulk, that's what I'm saying, a giant bug - you should have seen that thing take
out Boron 13. Aulk, it was there, and boom! It wasn't. Oh, it was unbelievable.
This is big, I'm telling you. This is the big score
AULK: And the crew -
there is only two?
SCHLM: Er - and the robot head
AULK: Right. That's
AULK: Nobody else?
SCHLM: No. Er - they said something
about, er, some assassin or something was onboard, I dunno
there's an assassin onboard, or there isn't
SCHLM: OK, so they said there
was, but I don't believe 'em. Why would anyone stay behind, huh? Everybody knows
that assassins are crazy for nookie, right?
AULK: Not all of them. Did they
say he was dead?
SCHLM: Dead? How could he be dead? It's a crock, all right?
They're just pulling my pud (a buzzer sounds) Look, I gotta go here so,
you in or what?
AULK: Maybe. 90 10
SCHLM: Oh, we're talking deal huh? I
like it (laughs)
AULK: Me 90 you 10
SCHLM: What? Forget about it.
There's a lotta guys I could offer this to. I got people -
AULK: Shut up,
Schlemmi. Anyway - I'll think about it
SCHLM: Don't think too long,
(Stan hits a button on his machine and a panel opens, showing a
screen with Schlemmi on it)
STAN: Yes. There is a
problem. Your selection sucks! I ordered attractive!
SCHLM: Well, you're
seeing top of the line sir. It hasn't been a great year for recruiting. Just dim
the lights a little, you'll be fine
STAN: See, I'm getting upset - and when I
get upset, I like to cause trouble
SCHLM: I'll, er, see what I can do
(He vanishes, reappears. The hologram shows a picture of a rather
skinny woman, with big hair)
SCHLM: She's our number one. Hot.
Reserved for our top clients. Give her a chance - you won't be
(Xev is still looking at pictures of
XEV: No. Close, but no (hologram of 790) No (and
then Stan) No!
(Another man - a stud muffin. The hologram
VARR: My name is Varrtan. My body speaks for itself. My
sexual thirst can never be quenched. Love is a fire - and I am the
STAN: OK. Her
(790 is now being offered
790: Say - do you have any living well-built male
bodies without heads?
(Xev's room. A door bell
XEV: Come in
(In walks Varrtan, wearing tight
VARR: I am Varrtan
XEV: Are you
(Varrtan looks at her - and the poor dumb hunk is
VARR: You are unbelievably beautiful
XEV: Well, you're
not bad yourself
(Xev walks around him, running her fingers over
VARR: Oh - a truly extraordinary woman - and well versed in the
ways of love
XEV: Not really. I was transformed into a love slave, but
VARR: But what?
XEV: I've never done it before
VARR: You're joking,
VARR: A virgin?
XEV: (smiles) Not for much
longer, am I?
(Stan's room. A door bell sounds)
(In comes the rather scrawny woman)
RISSHA: I am
Rissha. What is your name?
STAN: Stanley. Stanley Tweedle (stands up)
Er, look, er - nothing personal, but um - I was hoping for somebody a
little more, um, you know, a little more -
(Rissha looks down at her
chest, and holds up her hands to indicate something a little more
RISSHA: I see. I will go
STAN: Good. I mean, I'm sure
you're very nice and everything, but you see, nice isn't exactly what they
promised. Does that make me a bad person?
RISSHA: No. You are the customer.
You should have what you want
STAN: See, you understand! I mean, all I want
is what they said they had, and now it turns out they don't have it, I mean not
even close - I mean, personal preference wise
RISSHA: You find me unattractive?
(Stan sits down
on the bed, trying to dig himself out of this one)
STAN: No, no! No
no no no. I didn't mean it like that, I mean, you're not unattractive, I mean,
not exactly most attractive either, oh, er, see, what I'm trying to say
RISSHA: You don't have to say anything. You obviously have certain
standards, and expect them to be met
STAN: Well yeah! Exactly. Thank you for
(Rissha puts her leg up on the bed, strokes
RISSHA: It was obvious
(790 still hasn't made a
790: Hello! Is anyone listening? I demand to be taken
back to Xev without delay. These others mean nothing to me! Only Xev owns my
(The door opens, and someone picks him up)
SCHLM: I've been waiting an eternity for someone like
(Xev has not made much progress with
XEV: You what?
VARR: I wanna take it slow. Look, my
family is deep in debt and I only do this for the money - what little it pays.
But Xev - you are too special to waste on some cheap throwaway encounter. I must
gaze upon your body, drink you in, kneel at your feet, adore you, savour this
sweetest of moments -
XEV: So, let's just get on with it
VARR: Xev, angel
XEV: I've waited too long. Get naked
VARR: It's not that easy, I mean I
VARR: I love you
XEV: We just met two minutes
VARR: I know, but it's real
XEV: Then - take your pants off, and prove
(She pushes him back onto the bed)
(Schlemmi puts 790 on
top of the holo machine, and takes off his dressing gown. Underneath, he's
wearing - well, it includes leather harness, fairy lights, frills, black shorts,
and a large blue light over his crotch)
SCHLM: It's all the same,
after a while. You know - same old this, same old that - it's all flesh on
parade. I take a look at everyone who comes in here - it's a job
(He flicks a switch, and the blue light starts
SCHLM: Lemmee tell ya, I've been stinking in a pile of
'em. Fish girls from Pisac 3. Man apes from Remblan 11
(He puts on
some glasses, with small lights around eyes, mouth)
SCHLM: I've even
tussled with a couple of shell heads in my time. And there's one furry nympho
leper that still makes me all squishy inside (laughs) But - my tastes
have changed. They - shall we say - evolved?
(He pulls on a rubber
glove, with pink fur on the palm)
SCHLM: You're my kind of fun
(He raises 790 up to his mouth, and waggles his tongue. 790
(Aulk walks into the lounge, watches a man dressed in lingerie
walk into a room in which bleating can be heard. He smiles)
He and Rissha are now laughing together)
STAN: Um - Rissha? I'm
sorry I wasn't very sensitive when you came in first -
her finger to his lips)
RISSHA: Stan, don't -
STAN: But I was a
jerk, insulting you -
RISSHA: I know I'm not - the prettiest flower in the
STAN: (laughs) Neither am I
RISSHA: But I could make you
very happy, if given a chance
(She runs her hand up his leg, across
his crotch, onto his other leg. Stan looks down)
(laughs) Me too. At least, I hope so
RISSHA: Oh, I'm sure that you
STAN: Yeah, I think so
RISSHA: I know that you could (strokes
his face) And Stan?
RISSHA: I find you very
STAN: (gulps) You - you do?
RISSHA: In an unorthodox
kind of way
(She leans him back onto the bed - which is when Aulk
comes into the room)
RISSHA: Hey, wait your turn!
vaporises her with a blackpak, and laughs)
AULK: Get up, captain.
(Terrified, Stan gets up. Aulk pushes him into the lounge, and
vaporises the fat old man. They go into 790's room, where Schlemmi is bent over,
shaking, 790 pressed to his flashing blue light. He puts 790 down, takes off his
SCHLM: It's - well, it's - it is what it
(Stan looks sick. Schlemmi holds 790 up for Aulk to see.
Poor 790 can only make gibbering noises, his eyes replaced by spinning
(Meanwhile, Xev is still trying to have her way with
XEV: Get on that bed!
VARR: Please - true love cannot be
hurried. The roots must be able to take hold and nourish the ever-blossoming
XEV: Move it!
(She throws him onto the bed, manages to
chain his hand to the wall)
VARR: No, Xev, please, please. No, no,
no, no, no
(But Aulk and Schlemmi are outside her room,
with Stan and 790)
AULK: This better be the one,
(He fires his blackpak, blasting a hole through the wall,
and walks into Xev's room. The blast throws Xev back against the wall. Varrtan
tries to release his hand, but Aulk vaporises him, and smiles)
Darling wonderful Xev! - are you all right?
(Then 790 goes blank
AULK: So - we don't need this one?
SCHLM: Yeah - virgin, too
AULK: How do you know?
listen in (laughs)
AULK: Virgin, huh? You like to experience new
things. I like to experience - the new. She's coming with
(Elsewhere - a white planet. Four men are gambling on some game,
similar to roulette. They're all hooked up to IV drips, but otherwise look
healthy. Schlemmi appears on a view screen)
SCHLM: Hey Flintock, hey
Brose. This is Schlemmi Ackakak, former manager of your skanky semen blasted
piss-pit known as Luvliner. That's right, you jar heads - I resign!
You're dead, Schlemmi
SCHLM: Me, dead?
(The gamblers all laugh at
SCHLM: Now you listen. For years you screwed me while I ran
your freak show on that floating toilet - bad pay, no respect. Well, you're
gonna have your lips pressed against my butt for a change! So watch your
monitors, pimp sisters - it's payback time. Let's party!
happens. On the Lexx, Schlemmi turns to look at Stan, who is tied up on the
pedestal, as is Xev)
SCHLM: Let's party?
STAN: I can't do
(Schlemmi switches on a weapon, points it at
SCHLM: We may need you alive to drive this ship (aims at
Xev) - but we don't need Little Miss Hump-Me-Now here. If I raise the
voltage on my stinger here, it'll barbecue her brain (laughs) So, like
I said - let's party
(He holds the stinger to Xev's
XEV: Don't do it, Stan!
(Stan looks at her, and
makes his mind up)
STAN: Lexx - destroy the Luvliner
LEXX: As you
(The Lexx blasts Luvliner. The gamblers watch on a
SCHLM: Yes! Woohoo! Goodbye, dog pound. Goodbye, smell of
urine and drunken whores, and creepy old men with hair on their backs and their
hands down their pants! Seeya, skin lesions and open sores, stained sheets and
soiled underwear, everywhere! Goodbye, overall rude behaviour.
(Stan and Xev try to undo their bonds, but stop when Schlemmi
turns back to them)
SCHLM: OK, captain. Tell the bug to set course
for Omada 19
STAN: Lexx - set course for Omada 19
SCHLM: So I can deliver
my resignation in person (laughs)
LEXX: As you request,
(Aulk walks onto the bridge, dragging Kai's cryopod behind
STAN: Oh no
XEV: Put him down!
SCHLM: Who the hell's
AULK: The dead frozen assassin
SCHLM: What do we want with him? I
mean - whatever keeps you dancing (laughs)
AULK: You moron! Do you
know what we've got here? The Lexx! These are the people who stole it from His
SCHLM: Yeah, so? His Shadow's dead
AULK: I know. But this guy
isn't. He's undead. He can still get up and kill - us. This blackpak here just
gives him a warm feeling inside. He's indestructible (laughs) I heard
there was one of these guys on the ship
SCHLM: How do you know all this
AULK: Because my ambition extends beyond screwing robot
SCHLM: Yeah right, Mister Smart Guy. So if he's so dangerous, why don't
we get rid of him?
AULK: That's why I hauled him up here, plug
(Aulk kicks the cryopod)
SCHLM: Hey hey hey! Don't do
that, you'll wake him up
AULK: No I won't. This is a cryogenic chamber. He's
frozen. When he warms up - if he warms up - well, then we have a
SCHLM: Hey, it's cool
(Schlemmi fires his stinger at the
STAN: Stop it! Stop it, or I'll -
(Aulk walks up to the pedestal, looks at
AULK: Stop it, or what?
STAN: Stop it, or - or not. Um -
keep zapping it if you like, it's your choice
AULK: I choose - to break your
(Aulk bends Stan's thumb back until he cries
SCHLM: I like the stiff, but how are we getting rid of
(Aulk lets go of Stan, looks at Xev)
(A moth flies out of
the Lexx, with the cryopod held between its legs. Schlemmi is at the
SCHLM: I don't wanna do this!
SCHLM: I'm letting go right now!
AULK: No you're not
Hey - how do I know you're not gonna leave me out here and keep the Lexx for
AULK: I'm not. I love you too much
SCHLM: Yeah. No, I love me
AULK: Listen up
AULK: Turn your moth toward the
AULK: Because, you're going to fire him into it
AULK: Just to be on the safe side
SCHLM: Yeah, right. Anything you
say, Mister Overkill
(The moth heads for the sun)
Now speed, get more speed
SCHLM: (mimics) Get more
(On the bridge. Aulk watches Schlemmi on the view
SCHLM: I don't trust you
getting hot in here!
AULK: Hold it
AULK: Now! Let it go now!
(The moth lets go. The cryopod
spins closer to the sun)
SCHLM: There. Dead guy go bye bye. OK.
Coming back now, I'm finished. Can you hear me? I'm coming back to the ship
AULK: Drive safely
XEV: You will pay!
AULK: No (walks back to
her) We will play
(He rubs his hand on her cheek. Xev snarls,
and he laughs)
(The Lexx flies away from the sun, as the cryopod gets
closer to it. Schlemmi returns to the bridge)
SCHLM: OK - he's
history. We're done. Time to make boom boom on Omada 19, huh?
AULK: Yeah. Why
SCHLM: Full steam ahead, captain
(Aulk walks up to
AULK: Nothing but time on our hands now
(He holds a
knife up to his mouth)
AULK: So, um, are you - are you really a
virgin? Are you?
(Xev growls at him)
AULK: Well, this
will be your first (he unties her legs) Your best (hands) And
(He pushes Xev to the ground, gets on top of
STAN: Leave her alone!
AULK: That costs you
SCHLM: I've got some unfinished business myself
picks up 790, whose eyes are spirals)
(790 screams. Stan tries to untie himself, as Xev cries
790: I don't care what you do with me - but don't harm
SCHLM: Don't worry - when Aulk's finished with her there won't be
anything left to harm. He's sick (laughs) Come on,
(Schlemmi sticks out his tongue, and 790 screams)
the sun, the cryopod is starting to warm up)
(Aulk rolls Xev onto her
back, and puts his knife to her throat)
AULK: And just when I
thought it would never be special again
(He hums, and takes off his
blackpak. Xev growls)
AULK: I like the growl, baby
AULK: Why not?
XEV: Because it's a Cluster lizard growl
XEV: Really. I'm part Cluster lizard
(She pushes him
off her. The knife goes flying. She punches him)
(Schlemmi drops 790. Xev hits Aulk again)
STAN: Yeah, come on, get 'em Xev!
XEV: For 790! And my
(Aulk falls to the floor)
XEV: Stan, go after Kai's
STAN: Lexx - go after Kai's body
LEXX: It is very hot - but as you
(Xev reaches for the blackpak)
SCHLM: Hey -
I wouldn't do that if I were you
(Schlemmi aims his stinger at
SCHLM: Come on - gimmee a reason, huh? Go for it
(Aulk stands up, gets his knife)
SCHLM: Come on, go for it - where you want it, huh?
for the gun, and Schlemmi zaps her)
STAN: Lexx - hard left,
(The Lexx turns, and everyone falls over. The blackpak rolls to
the edge of the bridge. Xev gets up first, and kicks Aulk)
That's it, Xev!
(Xev grabs the blackpak - and Aulk grabs her. The
blackpak falls off the bridge)
AULK: We'll have to skip the nasty,
and cut straight to the fun. It's too bad for you
790: Get to her - go through me first!
thrown onto her back again. Aulk pushes her to the edge of the bridge. Schlemmi
looks at Stan)
SCHLM: No more tricks. Reverse course
Stan says nothing)
SCHLM: Do it, you!
790: Kill Tweedle - leave
(Xev growls, and bites Aulk's nose. He pushes her
AULK: You're strong for a girl - but not strong
(He pushes her over the edge. 790 screams. Xev's bonds catch
on a bar sticking out from under the bridge. Aulk gets out his
SCHLM: Reverse course!
(He aims his
stinger at Stan. Aulk crawls out to Xev)
Lexx is now close enough to the sun to see the cryopod)
STAN: Lexx -
I command you to - I command you to - get that cryopod!
SCHLM: Oh, I'm gonna
have to hurt you now
(Schlemmi zaps Stan)
(In the cryopod, Kai
opens his eyes. He pushes the cryopod door off, and fires his brace at the
(Xev is still dangling. Aulk cuts at the bonds holding her
AULK: You've got a lot of spunk. It would've been a
ride to remember
(Kai swings down onto the bridge. Xev falls. Kai's
brace catches her wrist, pulls her back onto the bridge. Xev punches Aulk,
knocking him off the edge)
XEV: Now that's a ride for you to
(Later, on the bridge. Stan, Xev and Kai are standing
looking at Schlemmi - who is on his knees)
SCHLM: You have no idea
what a horrible influence that guy was on me. He - he owned me. He controlled
me. He forced me to commit terrible crimes! But thanks to you dear, special, and
wonderful people, I am delivered from that unspeakable fiend. And now, I can
devote myself to the charitable work that I've always aspired to. Oh - thank
you, thank you. Thank you
(Stan and Xev look at each other, then at
Kai - who readies his brace)
(Later, in the cryochamber. Kai is back in
STAN: Next time we go to a brothel, I'm taking you with
me pal, as a bodyguard
KAI: I am well suited to that position,
XEV: Well, sorry for putting you in such jeopardy Kai
were only trying to meet your needs
(The cryopod closes. Stan looks
STAN: I still have some needs
790: Your life will end in
XEV: Me too, Stan
(They stand face to face)
And after what we've just been through, I know exactly what I'm looking for in a
STAN: Oh yeah?
XEV: Yes. He needs to be tall -
himself up) Yeah
XEV: Handsome -
STAN: (laughs) Yeah
And - dead
(She walks away)
(Meanwhile, a shell made of Lexx membrane hurtles towards Omada
19. On the surface the gamblers are watching Schlemmi's
FLINT: Play that last part again for me, will
SCHLM: For years you screwed me while I ran your freak show on that
floating toilet - bad pay, no respect. Well, you're gonna have your lips pressed
against my butt for a change! So watch your monitors, pimp sisters - it's
(The shell crashes through the ceiling. Schlemmi emerges
from it, upside down)
SCHLM: Hi fellas
FLINT: Hi Schlemmi
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana