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Lexx 2.08 White Trash
(written by Paul Donovan, Lex Gigeroff)

(The Lexx flies through space. Inside one of the passageways, a man wearing the uniform of a Cluster guard is running away from something. He stops for breath, and is grabbed from behind by Pa - the hillbilly seen at the end of 2.7 Love Grows. Pa is joined by Junior, his idiot son)

PA: Looks like it's eaty meaty snacky time
JUNIOR: Yeah, it's eaty meaty snacky time
SISSY: Eaty meaty snacky time

(Sissy is a young girl, pretty and slightly scruffy. With her is a kid - "cute", by the standards of the Lexx universe. They watch as Junior starts to hit the guard with Pa's bone/club)

(On the bridge - Xev and 790 on the floor, Stan on the pedestal. He's humming, taking his hand on and off the template, when he hears the guard's cries)

STAN: Whoa. Did you hear that?
XEV: What?
STAN: Sounded like a scream - like a person
XEV: A man?
790: All men are unimportant, Xev darling - except for the head man

(Stan gets down from the pedestal)

STAN: You think there could be somebody else onboard?
790: Don't look at me for the answer, micro mind. I only think about my peach blossom
STAN: You know, we might not be alone on Lexx
XEV: Well, that can only be an improvement
790: Why don't you go have a look, Tweedle? Leave me be with my little love angel. And please - get lost, and never come back
STAN: Rotate!

(He walks off the bridge. Xev sits in 790, who licks desperately at his mouth screen)

(Stan heads down the passageway, into the galley)

STAN: Look, there coulda been all kinds of people onboard when we broke away from the Cluster. There musta been - workers, and guards, and, you know, coming and going, how could you know? You're big, Lexx, you're huge!
LEXX: I am big, Stanley

(A food nozzle squirts out some goo. Stan dips his fingers in it, looks at it)

STAN: Lexx - do you recall me saying baked mixed fruit muffin with double frosting?
LEXX: I try my best, Stan

(Stan wipes the food off his fingers)

STAN: Look - Lexx, I know that you're not exactly a fountain of knowledge, but maybe you could help me out here? See, I wanna know for sure if there are other people onboard, or not
LEXX: Yes there are, Stan
STAN: There are? Well, maybe you could tell me exactly where, er, where I might find those other people?
LEXX: In the galley, Stanley
STAN: But - this is the galley - yeah?
LEXX: Yes, Stan

(The hillbillies are standing behind Stan. He hasn't noticed them yet)

STAN: Somebody besides me, and Xev, and the robot head, and the dead guy in black
PA: Hot damn! Howdy

(Stan turns, shocked - even more shocked when Pa hugs him)

PA: I'm Pa, but you can call me Pa. This 'un here's Junior. And this 'un here's ma little girl Sissy
SISSY: Oh, he's nice, Pa

(Sissy starts smiling at Stan. Pa frowns)

PA: And that funny looking one there, he's little Kid

(Kid blows a raspberry, so Pa grabs him by his ear)

PA: He's got a mouth on him that I don't know where he got it from! You do that again, I'm gonna have you over my knee, you understand? You understand?

(Pa lets Kid go. Sissy is stroking Stan's ear)

STAN: So er, you folks - are you hungry?
PA: No, we just ate
JUNIOR: Real good meal

(Pa gets out a harmonica)

PA: Do the donkey dance

(Junior starts playing an instrument as well. Sissy starts dancing, but everyone stops when Pa stops, and they stand beside him)

PA: We's the Golene clan

(Kid pushes his way in front of the others)

KID: What's left of them

(The cryochamber. Xev walks in, carrying 790, who is singing)

790: I'm feeling like a brand new girl, living in a brand new world! I know I'm just a head, Xev darling - but he is dead. All over
XEV: I don't care!

(She puts 790 down on the controls, looks at Kai. She turns 790 around so he can't watch, then walks towards Kai's cryopod)

(Meanwhile, back in the galley - )

STAN: So, er - where are you from?
PA: Where're you from?
STAN: Well, I'm captain of the Lexx
PA: It's funny, you don't look much like a captain
STAN: Well, I wasn't always a captain, um, I was a -
PA: Prisoner? See, I know. I knowed, I knowed that you wasn't the law, so I knew you was a prisoner just like us. See, when they came and they rounded us up in Vermal, they brought us to the Cluster. I thought they was gonna grind us up, or smoke us, or pickle us or something, but, we Golene's is smart, see? So we, we exscaped, and we was hiding out. But then, they wasn't looking for us no more, so we kinda come out like
JUNIOR: To make friends
STAN: Yeah

(Pa grabs Stan's arm)

PA: Where is everybody? Why aren't they looking for us no more?
STAN: We're not at the Cluster anymore. It's gone, really. Really!
PA: Really?
STAN: Yeah! Yeah, we, we, we blew it up, long time ago

(Pa lets go of Stan's arm)

PA: So there ain't no reason for us to be hiding out no more! Hey, captain -

(Pa salutes, puts his arms around Junior and Sissy)

PA: Permission to come aboard, captain?

(The cryochamber. Xev touches Kai's cryopod, looks at him)

XEV: Kai

(She sighs, places her hands on the cryopod, presses her face against the glass)

XEV: Kai

(She strokes the glass, a look of desperate longing on her face. Frustrated, she pulls back, hitting the cryopod door - to see Stan walking very carefully into the cryochamber, surrounded by hillbillies)

PA: Hot damn. Hot damn
JUNIOR: Hot damn!
XEV: Stan?
STAN: I told you I heard something, and the-
JUNIOR: Damn, she's pretty Pa!
SISSY: She's got lizard skin on her
PA: She's nice and full up top, but she's a tad scrawny down below
SISSY: Pa, you always go for the ones with all that blubber on their bones
PA: Well, ain't got the fat, ain't got the flavour
XEV: Stan -
STAN: Er, they're prisoners Xev, just like you and me (hint, hint)
PA: (removes his hat) We's the Golene clan, ma'am
XEV: Yes?
PA: See, there ain't no law here, so we done taken a vote, see, the upshot of which is - it's gonna be now, Captain Pa, not Captain Stan
STAN: No. No no, no, we didn't take a vote

(Pa pushes Stan back with his bone. Sissy puts her arms around him)

PA: Yeah, we took a vote. I'm the only one what gets to vote
SISSY: I like him, Pa

(Pa looks angry, so Sissy quickly goes over to him)

SISSY: Oh, not like I like you, Pa. I like you the best

(Sissy puts her hands on Pa's chest, and he grabs her for a most unfatherly kiss, after which she wipes her mouth. Junior goes over to Xev)

JUNIOR: Do you want to party?
XEV: What are you talking about?
JUNIOR: I bet you would

(Pa looks at Kai's cryopod)

PA: What's he, frozen supper meat?
STAN: Oh, no no no, he's not meat, no no, he's alive - well, actually he's not alive. Technically he's dead, and reanimated with protoblood, but except now he's in cryostasis
PA: What's, he's frozen fast asleep?
STAN: Er - yeah, yeah, if you like

(Pa pushes past Xev, who smiles sweetly. Sissy is hanging onto Stan again)

STAN: So I guess we're going to the bridge?
PA: Uh huh

(He leaves, Stan and Sissy follow)

STAN: Xev? (mouths) Come on!
XEV: (hisses) Do something!

(She smiles at Junior, then they leave the cryochamber as well. Kid picks up 790)

790: Put me down, you revolting runt of humanity!
KID: What kind of processor do you got?

(He puts 790 back down on the cryopod controls)

790: Kai - I think you should wake up now

(The Lexx flies near a green doughnut shaped planet, with yellow rings. On the bridge, Sissy is trying to dance with Stan. Pa is on the pedestal, trying to put his hand on the template - and Junior is putting his hand on Xev's breast)

JUNIOR: Hot damn
PA: Guess I ain't got the hang of it yet. Nothin's happenin

(Stan gets up on the pedestal beside him - which doesn't stop Sissy putting her hands all over him)

STAN: See, that's because the Lexx only does what I tell it to, whatever I say. It only responds to my commands, you know, if I say, fly away, or blow something up, blow up a planet, you know, whatever, because I'm captain
PA: What d'you mean, blow up like, what d'you mean?
STAN: Well, for instance, if I was to say, er, you know -

(Sissy is sucking Stan's thumb by now. He's watching her nervously, so doesn't realise that his other hand has activated the template)

STAN: Lexx, blow up that planet!
LEXX: As you request

(The Lexx powers up, and fires. They watch the view screen)

JUNIOR: Hot damn!
STAN: Oh no, not again

(And the planet explodes into a million tiny chunks)

PA: OK Stanley, set a course for Vermal
XEV: Vermal?
PA: Yeah, that's where I'm from, that's my home. There's a feller there I gotta see

(Xev walks around Junior)

STAN: Oh, you see, er, I understand that and all, but you see, what we're trying to do here is, we're trying to find a new home, you know, a decent home with nice people and friendly normal attractive women, see, and Vermal, you know, where you're from -

(Pa grabs Stan by the crotch)

PA: I gots all the votes, so I does all the deciding, see?
SISSY: Oh Pa, I could just cuddle him all to death!
STAN: Vermal, Lexx, hurry!
LEXX: As you request
JUNIOR: Party on Vermal
XEV: What is this party?
JUNIOR: It's the mostest fun you can have on Vermal - you'd like it honey ma'am, yes indeedy

(Xev looks at Stan)

XEV: You should try to have fun, Stan
PA: Atta girl, atta girl. All right! Let's go home to Vermal

(He lets go of Stan and gets out his harmonica, for more music and dancing. Xev nods her head in time to the music, but doesn't join in with the bad singing and dancing. When Pa stops, out of breath, so do the others)

JUNIOR: Come on Pa! Do the humpy jumpy, Pa

(Pa starts dancing again, but it's too much for him)

PA: I wanna take me a rest now

(And he falls flat on his face, snoring. Sissy and Junior smile at each other. Sissy gets up in the pedestal beside Stan)

SISSY: Pa sleeps wherever he wants
STAN: Yeah?
SISSY: (yawns, stretches) You know what?
STAN:(smiles) No, what?
SISSY: Little ole me is getting kinda sleepy too. Is there a place somewhere where I could - lay my head for a while?
STAN: (laughs) Yeah
SISSY: Maybe you could tuck me in, you being so nice and gentlemanly and everything
STAN: And everything! (laughs) Yeah, I'll show ya

(He gets down from the pedestal, takes her hand, and they leave the bridge. Xev has already taken Junior and sat him down on the floor)

XEV: Don't cut yourself, Stan
JUNIOR: (yawns) Little ole Junior's getting sleepy too. Maybe there's some place where I could lay some head
XEV: Hmm. You know what?

(Junior shakes his head)

XEV: I have highly accelerated sexual appetites, and very reduced standards. You know what that means?
JUNIOR: (nods) Nope

(Xev gets up, drags Junior to his feet by his belt - he gasps)

XEV: (sighs) My body was altered to make me a love slave (she puts her arm around him) Do you know what that means?

(Xev pulls him closer)

XEV: How about right here right now, you know what that means?!
JUNIOR: Yup. Not damn!

(He starts kissing Xev's neck. She looks really bored)

(Stan and Sissy are pulling each other down a passageway)

SISSY: Come on
STAN: Coming
SISSY: I always liked sneaking into boys bedrooms
STAN: (laughs) What would your momma say?
SISSY: My momma?
STAN: Yeah, your momma (tickles her)
SISSY: Well - one day, Ma went berry picking. Pa got real steamed up, like he does when he plays too hard. Ma didn't move after that. We put her in the crook of a morning tree
STAN: (worried) Well why'd your Pa get so steamed up about?
SISSY: Well, he had to! Ma went berry picking, stupid
STAN: I like berries

(In the cryochamber, Kid looks at Kai in pod, then at 790. He gets out a knife, flicks it open. 790 screams)

(Sissy and Stan reach his bedroom - he tries to tidy it up a bit)

SAN: Well - this is where I sleep
SISSY: My neck's feeling sore. Could you rub it for little ole me?
STAN: Oh yeah, I can rub it for little ole you (laughs) I like rubbing things

(Sissy slips her dress off, down to her underwear)

SISSY: Actually Stan - I ain't sleepy

(She sticks her tongue out - has a tongue ring. She kisses Stan, and manages to transfer the ring into his tongue. He hands it back to her)

STAN: (laughs) That's yours
SISSY: You - you taste different
STAN: Different? What do you mean?
SISSY: From the others (runs her hands down his body) Looks like it's been a while, captain
STAN: Oh, not that long
SISSY: Oh, it's long enough - but that's all right. I like being with men - all types of men

(She sits on the bed, pulling him down)

STAN: Well, I'm all types of men

(He takes off his hat, starts undoing his uniform. She lies down, giggling, and he kisses her)

(Xev is standing, waiting for Junior to kiss her - then he pulls away)

JUNIOR: I can't wait for the boys on Vermal to see me do the humpy jumpy lookee see with you (laughs)
XEV: What?
JUNIOR: Yes, we does it - they watches. It's the best way

(Xev makes a face)

JUNIOR: I say something wrong, honey ma'am?
XEV: Even with my love slave programming, I don't think I'm up to this right now
JUNIOR: Right - I gotta save my juices for the party

(Xev nods indulgently. Junior starts dancing)

JUNIOR: We only has them about once a season. Everybody comes. It's party time!

(Lexx arrives at Vermal - a mouldy looking blue green planet)

LEXX: Stanley, we have reached the planet Vermal. It was not very far away. Stanley, we have reached the planet Vermal. Stanley, we have reached the planet Vermal

(Pa wakes up alone on the bridge. He grabs his bone and walks away)

(In the cryochamber, Kid sticks his knife into the back of 790, who is squawking gibberish. Kid moves the knife experimentally, and 790's eye screens flicker)

KID: I ain't the same as they is. You got the right stuff. You can help me get the Charger up and running. OK?
790: OK

(Stan and Sissy are smiling and cuddling)

SISSY: I like you Stanley. You're my captain

(Stan's smile disappears as he hears the sound of Pa's slapping his bone against his hand)

PA: Hey captain

(Pa is sitting on the end of the moth bed. Stan quickly tries to put his T-shirt back on)

STAN: You're up, hey, good to see ya, buddy -
PA: We ain't buddies
STAN: Sure -

(Pa crawls into the moth on top of him)

PA: No, see, thing about buddies is that there's certain things them just doesn't do - like diddling your little girl
SISSY: Don't kill him Pa
PA: You just like your momma
SISSY: Oh, he was real gentle with me
PA: Better go Sissy - you don't wanna get no mess on you
STAN: But, but - who's gonna fly the Lexx?
PA: No, we's at Vermal now, that's all I want

(Pa unzips his dungarees)

SISSY: I love him! I want Stanley to become family. I want him to become my one and only husband

(Stan looks like marriage to Sissy is only slightly preferable to whatever Pa has in mind)

STAN: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! I wanna be, I wanna become Sissy's, I wanna be -
PA: My son in law?
STAN: Yeah, that!
PA: Son in law!

(Pa is delighted, and hugs them both. Sissy kisses Stan, who looks like he's in hell)

(Meanwhile, back in the cryochamber - )

790: I sense something bad is going to happen to Xev. Please kid, please wake up Kai
KID: You're just a robot. You're not supposed to be interested in girls, and you don't even have a body
790: I am far more than just a robot - far, far more! I am the definition of devotion. Please, we must wake up Kai
KID: What will you do for me?
790: I will do whatever you want. Whatever my circuits will allow
KID: OK, we can make a deal - I'll wake up the man in black, and you'll help me get the Charger up and running
790: I agree, I agree! I agree to everything

(Stan and Sissy have got their clothes back on. Pa puts his arms around them)

PA: I mean, if you became family - I mean, real family, if you became a real Golene and all, that means that this big bug ship becomes mine, 'cos I 'm the head of the clan. Sweetheart, we can perform the ceremony right now, I can do it myself!

(Sissy hugs them both, as Xev and Junior come into Stan's bedchamber)

SISSY: Oh Pa! Oh Stan!
PA: Do you -
SISSY: (to Xev, smugly) Captain Stanley is gonna be my one and only husband
XEV: (amused) Congratulations, Stanley
JUNIOR: That's nice. Honey ma'am and me going down onto Vermal, to party
PA: Huh? Ain't you done the humpy jumpy with her yet?
JUNIOR: No better way than at a Vermal party
PA: Junior! The reason I gots the votes in the family is directly correlated to the fact that in this family, the brains ain't evenly distributed. Some gots more, some gots less. You understand?
PA: Well, never mind. You ain't going to Vermal
PA: And I ain't going to explain why. No buts!

(Upset, Junior leaves. Xev follows him)

PA: Come on, son old son, we got a score to settle

(Sissy is hugging Stan. Pa puts his arm around her, and she pulls Stan away)

(Back in the cryochamber - )

KID: Why should I trust you?
790: Because I will sink to any level to be with Xev
KID: OK, deal
790: What's the Charger
KID: It's down on Vermal, you'll see

(Xev and Junior are walking down a passageway)

JUNIOR: All Pa ever does is what Pa wants. Does Pa ever think of me? No! I wants to go down to Vermal and party, with you
XEV: Party - what's that exactly?
JUNIOR: Party's hot damn fun, ma'am. Specially a Vermal party

(Xev thinks about this, walks around Junior)

XEV: I'm part Cluster lizard
JUNIOR: Cluster lizard?
XEV: That makes me always hungry to try new things. Fun things. I could take you down to Vermal
JUNIOR: But Pa -
XEV: Can stay up here
JUNIOR: Hot damn!

(On the bridge - Stan, Sissy and Pa. Vermal is on the view screen. Close up, the planet looks like mouldy orange peel)

PA: Sweetie, I think he's a little old for you, but when he had his shirt off he had creamy shoulders, which is OK

(Sissy puts Stan's arms around her)

PA: Vermal. Captain Pa's gotta go back to Vermal. Gotta go down there and settle an old score. Old score, payback time, payback

(He pokes Stan with his bone. A moth appears on view screen, and they hear Junior)

JUNIOR: Yeeha! We's going down to party on Vermal, ha ha, hoo ha!
PA: Junior! See, he's done turned on my instructions. It's that woman. Yeah, it's that woman, yeah, she made him do it, she put him up to it. See, now I gotta go down to Vermal, I gotta fetch Junior, kill her, and then settle my score, that's what I'm gonna do
SISSY: But Pa - what about the wedding?
PA: Yeah, the wedding, right. What about it? Well, we could have the wedding now. Let's have it now, let's have the wedding now
STAN: Now, now, now -
PA: Let's do it now
STAN: Pa, you see, it's all kinda sudden
PA: Do you, captain Stan, take my (looks at Sissy) beautiful little creamy pussy cat cream ball girl - to be your lawful wedded wife, one and only, one and only?

(In the cryochamber, Kid opens cryopod. Kai gets out and looks at him)

(Back at the wedding, Pa has his arms around Stan's neck, Sissy has Stan's hand. Pa pinches his ear, Sissy pinches his nose)

PA: You does wants to be her one and only husband, don't you?

(Stan breaks away from them)

STAN: Well, um, er, you see, um, er -
PA: You does loves her, don't you?
STAN: Love her? Well, you see Pa, that, that takes time, you know, um, but you know she, but she's really special to me - really really special
PA: Special?
STAN: Oh, yeah
PA: You know, somehow, that don't - that don't sound very convincing to me

(Pa has his bone ready)

PA: You know what I think? I think that you don't wanna be a Golene (laughs)
STAN: Me, Golene? (laughs)
PA: I think that you think that Sissy ain't good enough for you

(Pa raises his bone - but Sissy grabs it, hits him with it)

SISSY: Pa, no!

(Pa spits out blood, a tooth - looks at it, then grabs the bone back from Sissy)

PA: You done touched my bone! You crossed the line, little lady. You crossed the line right there. You just like your momma. You, honey ma'am, your momma - all the same!
SISSY: (defiant) That's right - all way too good for you. Ma knew it too. She never wanted to be with you, ever since the day you took her. Ma had free will too
PA: Free will, what's that? What you saying? what is that?
SISSY: You know what I'm saying. I'm saying that Ma had her own ideas about who she really wanted to be with - and it never was you

(Angry, Pa pushes her back - she wobbles on the edge of the bridge. Stan reaches out for her, but she falls off - screaming all the way down)

STAN: Sissy!
PA: She shouldn't oughta said that. She, she just gone too far. You the one. You put her up to this
PA: Yeah, you put her up to this, you killed my little daughter
STAN: Me?!
PA: Yeah, yeah

(Kai walks onto the bridge, along with Kid and 790)

PA: Oo - the law
KAI: Law?
PA: I know it when I see it. Uh - she done fell. See, we were just horsing around, and er, and things got a little carried away and she done fell over the edge!
STAN: He pushed her. She was nice. You pushed her!
PA: You did it, you did it, you're responsible
STAN: You pushed her!
PA: You never find me!

(Pa runs off the bridge. Kai looks at Stan)

KAI: 790 says Xev may be in trouble
790: Where is she? Where's my little peach blossom?
STAN: She went down to Vermal - to party

(Vermal. A moth flies past a shanty town, and lands nearby. Xev and Junior get out)

JUNIOR: Hot damn! Sounds like we came back at just the right time
XEV: For the party?

(They join the locals, who are dancing, relieving themselves on the fire, that sort of thing)

JUNIOR: Hey, cousin

(The cousins look at Xev)

COUSIN2: Hot damn
JUNIOR: Hot damn Goolu clan!
COUSIN1: Golene clan
JUNIOR: That's right
COUSIN2: I thought the Golene clan was all rounded up
JUNIOR: We exscaped, come back. Where's all the other clan?
COUSIN2: Hauled off. We's all that's left
COUSIN1: Who's that?
JUNIOR: That there's Xev

(They look at her. She looks back, unsure)

XEV: Nice
JUNIOR: We come for the party
COUSIN2: Come for the party? Junior Golene, you in the dictionary -

(Cousin1 grabs Junior's neck, turns his head towards him)

COUSIN1: Uh huh, in the dictionary
COUSIN2: Right beside the word stupid -
COUSIN1: Beside the word stupid
COUSIN2: There's a picture of you
COUSIN1: Of you!
JUNIOR: Oh yeah?!

(Xev sits down)

XEV: I've never been to a party before
COUSIN2: Why ma'am, come on in

(He helps her to her feet, leads her away)

JUNIOR: Humpy jumpy

(Another moth leaves the Lexx - this one carrying Kai, 790 and Kid)

790: Poor Xev. My poor wonderful exquisite lost Xev
KID: You really used to kill people
KAI: Yes - very many people
KID: My father was a warrior

(Kai looks at him)

(On the bridge, of the Lexx, Stan is on the pedestal when he hears a sound. He looks around uneasily, then gets down)

STAN: Lexx - what was that?
LEXX: I do not know, Stan

(Stan moves to stand under Lyekka's pod)

STAN: Lyekka! Lyekka! Lyekka! Wake up, I got food for you Lyekka!

(Down on Vermal, there's a party going on - music, dancing - well, sort of. Junior, Xev and the cousins arrive at the back of the crowd)

JUNIOR: Hi there!

(Everyone stops, turns, looks at him)

JUNIOR: Come down here to party with honey ma'am You can all watch us do the humpy jumpy -

(Xev clamps her hand over his mouth, smiles)

(The other moth has laded in a swamp)

KID: This place used to be full of Golenes, and a whole lot of other clans too
KAI: I presume they were cleansed by His Divine Shadow
KID: I don't know about that, but they're gone

(Stan is nervously walking around bridge, but can't see anything)

STAN: Who's there?
PA: Look behind you
STAN: Where? Oh, I shoulda gone with Kai
PA: Behind you!
STAN: I can't see ya
PA: Well, I'm here!
STAN: Where are ya?

(He looks up - and a hand grabs his shoulder)

PA: Here, Stanley

(Kid leads Kai to a hole in a corrugated iron fence)

KID: Look, there it is. Come on, let's go

(He leads the way, past skeletons on stakes. He touches two cables together, and a light come on, illuminating the Charger - a space shuttle)

(Back at the party, there's a guy who looks familiar, even with long fair hair, moustache, and cowboy hat. He spits, and starts twirling a lasso. The cousins grab Xev)

JUNIOR: Honey ma'am!

(Junior is lasso'd around his ankles, dragged forward, and hauled to hang upside down. The crowd yells PARTY)

KID: Isn't she beautiful? A stranger crashed here. His name was Norb. He tried to fix up the ship, until Pa found him. But Ma found him first, and she went berry picking
KAI: Did you ever meet this Norb?
KAI: What happened to him?
KID: Pa found him
KAI: How did you find out about him?
KID: Sissy told me
KAI: Was Sissy your sister?
KID: Half sister
790: We must abandon this ridiculous heap of low tech junk. Xev is in danger! We must continue our search
KID: You made a deal
790: Love is the only deal I understand
KID: Well, I'm the only one who knows where Junior woulda gone - and you gotta help me before I help you
790: Kai - please torture the little bastard
KAI: Did you make a deal?
790: Deals with undersized irritating inbreeds do not count
KID: I'm not an inbreed
KAI: Sounds like you made an agreement
KID: Come on

(At the party, a man with one white eye, a white suit, and a straw hat takes the stage - it's Daddy Gloolene)

DADDY: I thought all you Golenes was rounded up and taken to the big barbecue in the sky

(The crowd laughs. He snaps his fingers, and Xev is dragged forward)

DADDY: Now, it's party time on Vermal!
CROWD: Yeeha!

(The Charger. Kai connects 790 to the engine. Kid opens cockpit and gets in)

KID: All you gotta do, is figure out the starting codes. Can you do it?
790: I'm confident that I will be up to such a tiny challenge
KID: Isn't the Charger just about the greatest thing ever?
KAI: Just about
KID: How about you, mister? Have you ever been a pilot?
KAI: I was, before I died

(Kid looks at him - like you would if someone said something like that)

(At the party, Daddy Gloolene is struggling with a microphone)

DADDY: How d'you work this thing?

(The bridge of the Lexx. Pa is on the pedestal, still trying to put his hand on the template. Stan is nearby)

LEXX: Stanley, I can hear something coming from the planet. Would you like to hear it?
PA: Yeah, yeah, we wants to hear it!
LEXX: Stanley, I can hear something coming from the planet. Would you like to hear it?

(Pa motions for Stan to activate the template, which he does)

STAN: We wants to hear it
DADDY: You hear me, cousin Pa Golene?
PA: I hears ya. I hears ya, Daddy Gloolene, but I don't like the sound of your voice
DADDY: Well, how you like this, cousin on the no-good side of the family?
PA: Junior!
JUNIOR: Pa, they're gonna lower me down into mine critters
PA: Mine critters?!
JUNIOR: And then they're gonna have a party with honey ma'am - without me!
PA: I told you not to go down there
JUNIOR: I'm sorry Pa, I'm sorry. I just wanted to party
PA: (to Stan) He wanted to party!

(Stan shrugs)

(The Charger. Kid holds up a sphere, with a hologram of a space pilot inside)

KID: This is my father

(He replaces the sphere in the cockpit, and Kai helps him out. They raise the nose of the Charger)

(Back at the party, cousins open a trapdoor beneath Junior's head - there are hungry noises down there)

JUNIOR: No, not mine critters!
DADDY: Yes, mine critters

(Junior is lowered down a little)

JUNIOR: Pa, help me!
DADDY: Your pa can't help you with this conundrum
JUNIOR: Pa, please help me! Not mine critters

(He is lowered further)

PA: Cousin Daddy -

(Junior is lowered down into the mine critters. There are screams)

PA: Junior!
DADDY: You a cockerwidder! A no-brain cockerwidder, just like your no-brain mine critter lunch son! And all the other Golenes - that is, what's left of 'em
PA: Cousin Daddy - you're gonna regret that. You're gonna regret that and everything else you low-down Gloolenes ever done to us

(Pa gets down from the pedestal)

PA: That's it. That's it. Payback time. Blow it up Tweedle, blow up Vermal. Blow it up!

(Pa pushes Stan up onto the pedestal)

PA: He called me a cockerwidder. He called me a cockerwidder. He done fed my son to mine critters, and worst of all that low-down Gloolene, he told them where we was hiding out
STAN: Er -
PA: Blow it up, Tweedle
STAN: But what about Xev and Kai? And the little kid? I mean he's, he's the only family you got left

(Pa looks sad)

(Kid is now inside the Charger. He puts his helmet on, fires up the engines)

(At the party - Daddy Gloolene strokes Xev's hair)

DADDY: So, you some kind of Golene, or what?
CROWD: Unclean! Unclean!
DADDY: I say, she's too pretty to be a Golene. I say, it's party time on Vermal!

(The crowd likes the sound of this. Cousin2 steps forward)

COUSIN2: Who gets to humpy jumpy her first?

(Xev hisses)

DADDY: I say - let Daddy drive!

(Daddy takes his hat off)

(The Lexx. Kid appears on the view screen)

KID: Pa?
PA: You get yourself on back down up here now
KID: Why should I?
PA: 'Cause I told you to that's why
KID: You aren't telling me nothing more, you old fat fart
PA: You watch your tongue now
KID: No more, you big piece of poo. From now on, I say what I wants to, when I wants to, you dumb Golene inbreed
PA: What you call me?
KID: A fat fart, big poo inbreed! And I got something else to say to you too Pa - you ain't my pa! Ever notice I was missing something here? (points to his left temple, where the Golenes have a red birthmark) No, you didn't, because you're too stupid. Well I've got news for you too Pa - remember how Ma used to go berry picking? Well, she wasn't picking berries
PA: I know that - that's why I killed that space pilot, and your ma
KID: Well, Ma was picking berries long before you found out, and she laid down with that space pilot, and they made me. He was my real Pa
PA: That - that would mean that - you ain't my kid. That would mean that - there's no Golenes left
KID: My real father was the space pilot you killed, remember Pa? His name was Norb, and that's my name too
PA: Norb?
NORB: Before I go, before I leave you behind forever Pa, you hear me. I wanna say one thing - you're a cockerwidder, Pa! Cockerwidder cockerwidder cockerwidder! You're nothing but a dumb inbreed Golene cockerwidder! Goodbye forever!

(He vanishes from the screen, which shows an image of Vermal)

PA: Blow up Vermal Stan
STAN: Xev and Kai -
PA: Blow it up!

(The Charger's engines suddenly stop flaming)

NORB: Damn!

(At the party, Daddy Gloolene is down to his long johns)

XEV: I'm warning you - I'm part Cluster lizard (hisses)
DADDY: Ooo, she sings pretty
CROWD: Party! Party!

(Daddy moves closer to Xev - and Kai's brace grabs Xev, pulling her up to the moth. The crowd watch, baffled, as Kai helps her in)

XEV: Thanks for the lift
KAI: I remember - I used to like fishing
790: Xev - if love is a hook, I'll be your worm

(On the Lexx's view screen, Stan sees the moth leaving Vermal. He activates the template)

STAN: Blow it up!

(Lexx turns to aim directly at Vermal. Norb struggles with the Charger)

NORB: Come on!

(The engines start again)

NORB: Yes!

(The Lexx powers up. The Charger flies away from the swamp. Lexx fires a bolt - towards the moth)

790: Hard throttle!

(The moth swerves upwards. The Lexx bolt passes underneath - and destroys Vermal. Pa watches on the view screen. He takes off his hat, and sings sadly)

PA: Oh Vermal hills, my Vermal hills, every dome so fragrant be - It's the law!

(He sees Kai and Xev walk onto the bridge, and runs away)

PA: You never find me!

(Stan gets down from the pedestal and hugs Xev)

STAN: Oh, you're back! Oh, I'm so glad
790: Oh, spare me the slobber, picobrain

(Pa runs down a passageway. Kai leaves the bridge to go after him, Stan and Xev follow)

STAN: Come on, he's getting away

(They all walk down the passageway. When they're gone, Pa emerges from hiding and goes back onto the bridge - where he hears laughter. Tendrils drop down from Lyekka's pod)

LYEKKA: Hi. I'd like to dance with you

(Her head and arms are now visible hanging down from the pod - red/blue costume)

LYEKKA: I'm hungry, and I like you

(In a passageway, the Lexx crew hear the screams)

STAN: Did you hear that?

(They look at each other)

(The Charger appears at the head of the Lexx, and flies down the length of it)

NORB: Yes! Goodbye Vermal. Yahoo!

© Filking Fairy

© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana

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