Lexx 3.06 K-Town
(written by Paul Donovan, Lex Gigeroff)
(Kai is walking across the desert towards a tower. A long way
up the tower, Stan and Xev are standing on a metal thorn)
I don't see Kai
XEV: Neither do I. We're too far up
STAN: Xev, I gotta get
outta this sun, real soon
XEV: Yeah. So - up, or down?
STAN: Well - I'd
rather go down
XEV: It gets hotter if we go down, and cooler if we go
STAN: Oh - guess we go up
(Xev puts her hands together, and
gives Stan a leg up. Kai is still walking)
(Stan and Xev have been
climbing for a while now)
STAN: I can't do it
XEV: Yes you can.
Give me your hand
STAN: No. No I can't. This is it for me
XEV: No. Give me
STAN: Look - all this climbing's not exactly been cooling me
XEV: Yeah, I know. We have to keep going
STAN: I'm not part Cluster
lizard, OK? I gotta rest. I'll be OK in a while
XEV: No you won't, you'll be
dead. Now come on. We have to get you out of the heat
STAN: It's OK, it's OK,
it's OK. Just give me a minute
(While Stan rests, Xev climbs higher
up the wall, and finds a loose rock. She pulls it out, and looks inside the
XEV: Hello? Hello?
STAN: Who's in there?
XEV: I can't
tell, but it's definitely cooler in there than it is out here
shouts inside the hole again)
XEV: Can anybody hear me? (to
Stan) Come on
(She crawls inside the narrow gap. Stan follows,
and she pulls him through. Inside the building is dusty, dark, with rubble
STAN: Do I have to?
(Stan sits down)
STAN: Well look Xev, why don't we
just stay here and wait for Kai, huh? We can look for him through the
XEV: We're on the wrong side of the lake
STAN: He'll find us, I know
he will. Come on Xev, let's just wait
XEV: Maybe he'll find us and maybe he
won't. You can stay here if you like, I'll be fine on my own
STAN: Well maybe
(Xev leans down and pats his face)
XEV: Yes you
will. Just sit tight. I'll check things out around us and be right back
OK, fine Xev, go. I'll rest
XEV: Bye Stan
STAN: Bye. Don't go far
STAN: I really think we should stay together
XEV: Then you come
(She walks away)
STAN: Why does she do this to
me? She always does this to me. Xev! Xev?
(There's no answer. Stan
heads off after her)
STAN: She'll never learn. She will never, ever,
never ever ever learn. Never ever. She goes off. Somebody comes along, tries to
(Kai is still walking across the desert. Stan is warily
looking for Xev)
STAN: Xev? Xev?
(He picks up a piece of
rock, carries on looking)
STAN: Xev? Xev?! Xev?!
pretty girl wearing tattered clothes emerges from behind a
TISH: Who is Xev?
STAN: Who are you?
TISH: I am
(She walks nearer to Stan)
TISH: And who's
STAN: Well, er, Xev's a woman. She's dressed in a Cluster lizard skin
outfit. I kinda lost track of her. I'm just trying to find her
TISH: I can
help you (smiles)
STAN: You know, you saying that makes me feel
STAN: Well, in the past pretty well always when
somebody said they wanted to help me out, it usually meant that they wanted to -
feed off my brains or something like that. You don't have that in mind, do
TISH: I said, I can help you
(He's not sure
about this. Tish leads the way)
TISH: Come on. I won't bite your
head off (smiles)
STAN:(sighs) OK. Wait, wait,
(He follows her into a large room full of rubble, bits of old
equipment, and strange people. They stand around muttering suspiciously, not
talking to each other)
STAN: So - can I help you?
STAN: No. Well, nice place you got
(Xev walks across
silently from the other side of the room)
STAN: You are Xev, aren't
XEV: Want to kiss me?
(Xev walks up to Stan. He
puckers up, but she turns her head at the last minute, so his lips land on her
STAN: You're Xev. Listen, these people - are they, um -
XEV: I don't think so. But I couldn't get much out of them,
they're not very - direct
(A man wearing a leather cap, sitting on a
chair, suddenly starts talking to them)
ZIN: Thank you for helping
STAN: Er, helping you, how?
XEV: Yeah, how did we help you?
don't have to explain it, do I? (smiles)
STAN: Er, yeah, if you
(Zin laughs - then stops)
ZIN: I do mind. A
STAN: Xev -
(He pulls her aside, whispers)
What is going on with these people?
XEV: I don't know
(A man with
a scarred face isn't happy about this)
SCAR: Hey - secret
XEV: It's not a secret conference. We were just wondering who you
are, and what this place is all about
SCAR: Well, how about the fact that we
don't know who you are, where you come from and what you want? And the fact that
we were doing just fine here, until you two came along to help us
are you talking about?
SCAR: I don't know. You're the one who's doing all the
helping, so, you tell me
XEV: Well, like I said, we're not here to help
SCAR: That was pretty obvious from the beginning,
(Noises of agreement from the other people in the
XEV: You don't like us, OK?
ZIN: Says who?
XEV: I don't
know. The way you act, the way you talk to us, your whole attitude
Excuse me. I think you'd better improve your attitude first before you start
(Stan walks over to Tish, who is sitting
STAN: Tish - what is going on here?
she is crying, and pats her hand)
STAN: Oh, look -
STAN: Oh no, no, I wasn't, wasn't trying to -
TISH: To touch me,
that's what you were trying to do, weren't you?
STAN: No! No no, I wasn't. I
wasn't trying to -
TISH: Don't think you can just talk your way out of
STAN: No, no, I thought you were, you know -
(Tish stands up,
and appeals to the others in the room)
TISH: He was trying to touch
ZIN: We saw! We saw
(The mob mutters. People with crude
weapons start closing in)
STAN: OK, look, look. I don't know what
game you people got going on here, but I for one do not wanna be a part of it
ZIN: What's that rock for?
(Stan looks down at the rock
he's still holding)
STAN: I just had it in my hand
ZIN: Oh yeah?
(He bends over and picks up a piece of pipe)
I have just this, in my hand
(Scar pulls a weapon out from behind his
SCAR: Welcome to K-Town
STAN: OK, look -
ZIN: Look what?
Come on, tough guy
SCAR: Take a swing at me, with your rock. Come
(People start banging weapons on the floor,
(They run, with the mob
close behind. As they go through a tunnel, someone grabs Stan from behind. He
hits their hand with his rock)
(She pulls him through. He pushes a grill in front of the
tunnel, blocking it. Nearby, a man in black robes and head scarf catches a bug.
He holds it up to his ear, then eats it. Xev and Stan run down the
STAN: Hey buddy, excuse me but -
(The man in
black turns to face them. It's Mantrid)
STAN: Well, you are, I think
(The sound of the mob
gets closer. Mantrid tries the name on for size)
XEV: Come on
(She and Stan start running
MANT: Man - trid? Man - trid?
(Xev and Stan run
down a passage with low ceiling. Xev pauses to catch her breath. Stan sits
STAN: What was that about? I mean, how can Mantrid be
XEV: I don't know. This whole place makes no sense
STAN: Yeah. OK,
XEV: Wherever they aren't
(They get up to go on - but
the mob is now in front of them - and behind them)
XEV: Come on,
(They try a side passage, and stop. Angry people are there
(She pushes Stan through another gap
into a room which mostly consists of a huge drop, with a girder across it. Xev
pushes Stan onto the girder)
STAN: Oh no, no
XEV: Yes Stan,
(The mob enters the room. Stan starts to walk gingerly
XEV: Don't look down! Just keep going, go!
trips, but Xev steadies him)
XEV: Don't look down, just
MOB: Drop! Drop! Drop!
(They make it to the other side.
Stan looks back at the mob and laughs at them - until he hears laughter. More
angry people, lead by Zin and Tish, are waiting for them)
took the easy way around. Time to teach you some manners
at Zin. She and Stan get back on the girder)
STAN: Where's Kai when
you really need him?
(Kai is climbing onto the thorn outside the
MOB: Drop! Drop! Drop!
MANT: Climb! Up here,
(Mantrid lowers a ladder. Xev and Stan climb up
ZIN: Get some rocks
ZIN: You brought the
TISH: No I didn't
ZIN: She brought them
(Tish runs. The mob follows her)
(Mantrid helps Stan off
the ladder. He and Xev watch Mantrid, warily)
MANT: Who are
XEV: You don't know?
XEV: I'm Xev. Xev of
(Mantrid looks at Stan)
STAN: Stanley Tweedle. Former
assistant deputy backup courier and now captain of the Lexx
MANT: (confused) And who am I?
Mantrid. Arms and legs and body and all
STAN: This is another one of your
games, isn't it?
MANT: I don't know. Perhaps it is a game
slowly walks on)
XEV: And who are they?
are downstairs, so they must be - the people who are downstairs
smiles, and carries on walking. Xev and Stan follow him along a narrow
STAN: So, you really don't know who Mantrid is, huh?
XEV: Have you seen Kai?
STAN: Yeah, he should be around here
somewhere by now
MANT: Who's Kai?
STAN: He's the dead guy in black who
XEV: He was an assassin in the Divine Order - and you were the
Divine Order's chief Bio-Vizier. The greatest Bio-Vizier who ever lived, you
said. Kai was yours
(Mantrid thinks about this)
Mantrid - how did you get here?
STAN: He woke up
(Outside, Kai has found the hole leading
inside the tower)
(Tish is hiding in some sort of big bucket. She peers
out - and Zin holds a weapon at her throat)
ZIN: Why did you bring
TISH: I didn't
ZIN: After all I've done for you and this is the
thanks I get
TISH: All you've done for me? Zin, do you realise what I put up
with? The sight of your face makes me want to throw up! You're a bully. You're a
coward, and you're a has-been, and you disgust me beyond belief
ZIN: You are
going to die!
(He raises his weapon - and Kai's brace snatches it out
of his hand. Zin and the mob run away. Kai walks over to Tish and helps her
TISH: Thank you
KAI: You are welcome
TISH: I suppose you
feel better now?
TISH: Yes you do. You did your big rescue thing
on me so you feel better
KAI: No. I do not feel
TISH: Oh yeah, I believe
that. I bet you go around rescuing people and thinking that you're doing them a
big giant favour, and expect that they should be all happy and grateful about
it. But let's face it - you don't do it for their happiness. You do it so you
can feel better yourself
KAI: I do not feel good. I do not feel better. I am
dead. And I do not feel - (his face suddenly twitches) - anything.
(Kai walks away)
TISH: Nice try, mister. I'm not
finished with you yet. Hey! Look at me when I'm talking to you!
Kai has gone)
TISH: Hey, Zin, you creepy repulsive little coward.
It's safe to crawl back out of the shadows now. Zin?
out from his hiding place, clutching a weapon)
TISH: Run. Run from
the bad man. Run away and hide in the corner. You don't scare me one bit. You're
(Elsewhere, Kai is not well. He slumps down in the dust,
but staggers back on to his feet)
(Xev and Stan are still with Mantrid.
Xev stops at a window and calls out)
XEV: Kai! We're up
STAN: Hey! I don't think that is such a good idea
XEV: Got any
(They carry on walking)
Mantrid, old buddy old chum. So you were the baddest person that ever lived,
huh? I mean, that is, if you are you, that is
MANT: What do you
STAN: Well, I mean, there used to be two universes until you destroyed
one, you know, killed all the people, all the planets, all the stars,
everything. And that universe was a lot better than this one
MANT: When did I
STAN: Well, before you, er -
XEV: (quickly) Before you
STAN: Yeah, long before. Like say 4000 years ago
XEV: The Mantrid
who destroyed the Light Zone, was also part insect, and part machine
And what happened to me?
STAN: Xev killed you
(Mantrid looks at
MANT: Did you?
(Mantrid takes Xev's
hand, holds it against his forehead)
MANT: Am I dead?
XEV: No. I
don't think so. I think you are - alive
(Mantrid lets go of her
STAN: So, Mantrid, what about you taking a turn answering some
questions, huh? Like for instance, what's really going on here? And, what are
you doing here?
MANT: I don't know
STAN: What do you mean, you don't know?
I mean, you've been here all along - well, since you woke up
MANT: I don't
know. Perhaps it is my punishment
(They turn a corner - and Tish and
her friends, who are up on a ledge, start throwing rocks down onto
STAN: It's the downstairs people!
MANT: Except now, they
STAN: Ow! Ow, ow!
(Stan covers his head and runs -
and falls down into a room on a lower level)
(Xev jumps down after him and helps him stand
XEV: Did you get hurt?
STAN: No, no, I'm OK.
(They are hit by more rocks)
(They take shelter behind a broken wall, and sit on a
XEV: (shouts) If you want to fight, come down here
and fight me!
(But the upstairs people just laugh, and keep throwing
STAN: Oh Xev, this is just one crazy place, I mean, both of
these two planets, they're just completely totally crazy, I mean this makes no
sense at all!
XEV: I know
(She rubs Stan's
STAN: Oh, that feels good. Oh, you know, it's the first
nice feeling I've had in a long time
XEV: It's been hard going for us
STAN: Yeah. And Xev?
STAN: How are we ever
gonna get off this planet? (sighs) I mean, all I wanna do is go back to
the Lexx, how will we ever - you know
XEV: Maybe they have balloons in this
city. We have to find one somehow
STAN: Look you know, I think if we find a
balloon, I don't think they're exactly gonna just hand it over to us
guess you're right
(Xev hugs Stan)
STAN: You know Xev,
you're OK. I don't think I ever really told you that before - I mean, I know
what you think of me, you know, but I mean you're, you're really OK - in your
own special, you know, Cluster lizard kind of way
XEV: You're not all bad
yourself, Stanley H Tweedle
(Xev kisses Stan's cheek and puts her arm
around him - then the rocks start falling again. Xev gets up)
Hey, what is it with you people? Answer me!
ZIN: I just did
XEV: No you
ZIN: I will repeat my answer
(Zin throws another rock at
her and laughs - then is pulled back by Kai)
We were just talking about you
(He steps to the
edge and shakes his head)
XEV: What's wrong with your
(Kai steps forward, and falls down into the room. Xev and Stan
go to help him - he can't get up)
XEV: What's wrong?
sustained damage to many of my systems when I first jumped down from the Lexx
onto the planet Water
(He tries to move, but cannot)
The damage seems to be progressing
XEV: Oh no
STAN: What exactly is wrong
KAI: That - you will have to determine
KAI: I will
(Stan and Xev pick him up)
STAN: Listen -
there's no chance that you're completely broken and you won't function again is
there? I mean, you are indestructible
KAI: I am - hard to destroy, but I am
not - indestructible
(Mantrid watches from above)
is lying on the slab. Xev peels back the last layer of his costume - to reveal
some sort of metal codpiece. Naked Kai is not a pretty sight - pale, grey,
bruised. As well as his wrist brace and the piece he connects his protoblood
tube to, he has seven small sockets on his chest, and some tubing down near his
XEV: I always wondered if -
XEV: If you
still had your -
KAI: I have a
lot of equipment, as you can see, but it is not all - functional
this take long?
KAI: I don't know. It depends on the extent of the
XEV: What do I do?
KAI: First you must remove my power and control
XEV: Where are your control rods?
(Kai looks down, and points
at his codpiece)
KAI: There. Between my legs
XEV: OK. Remove the
power and control rods
(Xev looks at the codpiece)
KAI: Turn, and pull
XEV: Turn and pull. OK
(Xev takes a
deep breath, and starts turning his rod. Rocks are still
STAN: I hope this doesn't take long, 'cause we need you up
and around, Kai
XEV: Does this hurt?
STAN: No, the dead don't
feel pain, right?
(Kai shakes his head. Xev pulls out the first rod,
holds it up and looks at it - it's about a foot long)
upstairs people have run out of rocks)
ZIN: We need more stuff to
throw down at them, a lot
TISH: Then go get it
ZIN: Why don't
TISH: Why don't you?
ZIN: You can never motivate anyone in this place
to do anything
SCAR: Ooo, is that a new discovery?
TISH: Zin - did I ever
tell you how much you bore me? (laughs)
ZIN: I'll go and get my own
SCAR: You do that - Zin
ZIN: Just watch me
TISH: We will
(Xev pulls out more rods)
XEV: So it turned out
that the living Kai on the balloon, was nothing to do with you at all. He just
looked like you on the outside
STAN: Yeah, but on the inside he was one
hundred percent Prince
KAI: So where is he now?
XEV: Dead. We pushed him
off the thorn
STAN: Yeah, definitely dead
KAI: Once you remove the last
rod I will stop working completely
XEV: How will I know what to do
KAI: After you have removed the last rod, you must put them into the
matching slots on my chest
(Xev touches the little metal sockets on
XEV: These ones?
KAI: Yes. Then I will be able to
diagnose my condition. I contain many microscopic bio-mechanical systems
(Kai stops speaking, as Xev pulls out the last rod. More rocks fall
down from above)
STAN: I think we have to hurry. Come
(Xev pushes a rod into one of the chest slots)
(Kai starts twitching, moaning)
XEV: Kai? Kai! Kai,
have I got it right? Have I got it right?
(Smoke starts coming out of
XEV: And do what?
STAN: I don't
(Meanwhile, up above - )
(The upstairs people turn, to see Mantrid standing on a ledge
MANT: I finally know who I am. I'm Mantrid, the greatest
Bio-Vizier who ever lived. I destroyed a universe!
SCAR: That's nice. I'm
real happy for you
(They raise their rocks, ready to throw more
MANT: He was mine!
MANT: Him. Down there. The
dead man in black
SCAR: OK, look. Why don't you just wander off and do that
crazy wizard thing somewhere else, OK?
ZIN: We've got work to do here
May I throw some rocks, too?
(He pulls some rocks out from under his
ZIN: Sure. Fine. As long as you don't waste them
(He throws a rock at Zin, which knocks him out. The other two
MANT: I am the greatest Bio-Vizier who ever
(Mantrid goes down to the Lexx crew. He leans over Kai and
examines him closely)
MANT: What is a Bio-Vizier?
STAN: Er -
somebody that knows everything about biology and er - worked for the Divine
MANT: If he is mine, I'll fix him
XEV: Do you know what to
MANT: No. But if I am the greatest Bio-Vizier who ever lived, I should be
able to learn quickly (looks at Xev) Don't you think?
XEV: He told
us to remove the rods from here and insert them into the matching slots on his
chest. He said if we did that, that he could then diagnose his condition. He
also said that he contained microscopic bio-mechanical systems, and that they -
well, then he stopped talking
(Xev hands Mantrid the control
MANT: He said to put them in here, correct?
STAN: Yeah, but
that's what caused this to happen
(Mantrid pushes a rod into one of
Kai's chest slots. He takes another rod - and poises it over the socket for
XEV: He said to put them in the matching slots
Ya, ya, ya, ya
(He ignores her, and plunges it in)
That's the wrong one, why'd you do that for?
MANT: To see what happens. I'm
(He leans over Kai, who seems to be more focused. He looks at
MANT: Hello Kai
KAI: Hello, Bio-Vizier
yes. You belong to me
KAI: I am an assassin, and you must be -
(Kai fires his brace through Mantrid, who is thrown back
against a wall)
MANT: I destroyed a universe! I destroyed a
universe! And my punishment is over - for now. Goodbye
KAI: I am an assassin
(He starts to aim his brace
at Stan and Xev, who push his arm back)
STAN: Quick, hurry, I can't
(Xev pulls the rod out, and puts it into the correct
KAI: - Collectively associate in my body to perform many
duplicate functions. I contain many microscopic bio-mechanical systems. They
collectively associate in my body to perform many - duplicate
(Kai sees Mantrid's body)
XEV: It is
STAN: Yeah. You just killed him
(Letters and numbers flash
across Kai's eyes. He tweaks the rods in his chest)
KAI: My primary
micro systems have a specific polarity. They were apparently damaged, when I
first crashed onto the planet Water
STAN: Which means?
KAI: That I am out
STAN: Well, can we fix them, I mean you?
KAI: That, you will
have to determine
KAI: First you must return my control rods to
their original position
(More rocks come crashing
STAN: Boy, I don't know about you Xev, but I am not equipped
for this level of stress
(Kai looks at him)
STAN: Yeah, I
know, the dead do not feel stress
KAI: Right. But the dead do go out of
(Xev starts pulling his rods out)
(Zin wakes up, and
starts throwing rocks again)
(Xev puts the last rod back into Kai's
codpiece. She and Stan start putting Kai's clothes back on. Meanwhile, upstairs
ZIN: We're out of rocks again
TISH: Then go get some
(points at Scar) It's your turn
SCAR: How about I don't feel like
TISH: I don't either
ZIN: They're going to get away again
know Zin, I was just about to help, but then suddenly I started to feel under
appreciated and I lost all my energy
throws his rock bucket down and walks off. Tish laughs)
are you laughing at?
(Kai is now fully clothed, if not fully
STAN: How are we gonna get out of here, this
XEV: Well, we climb up
STAN: What, with Kai?
XEV: With Kai,
(Stan and Xev pick Kai up)
STAN: Come on. Come
(They start to climb the wall)
STAN: I bet they're
gonna blast us with rocks as soon as we get halfway up
XEV: Well what do you
want to do, give up?
STAN: Kai, did I ever tell you that you are really
KAI: I am - decarbonised
STAN: 1, 2, 3 - push!
people are really impressive
TISH: Just love that "Can do" attitude
When you get up here, will you please take me out of this place too?
Will you give me your hand?
SCAR: Er - (pulls his hand back)
XEV: (sarcastic) You're really helpful
TISH: He never has been
and never will be
SCAR: But I can step on your fingers
(He does -
and Xev grabs his leg)
SCAR: Hey - she's got my leg!
right - she's got your leg, not mine
(Tish pushes him over the edge.
Xev makes it to the top, and pulls Kai)
STAN: 1, 2, 3 -
(Kai holds onto the edge)
(He gets to the top, and helps Xev pull Kai up. Tish watches
STAN: You people here are completely useless in every
TISH: Cutting remark. You must be the king of wit, huh?
and Xev walk away with Kai)
SCAR: Don't bother trying to escape from
here. Nobody ever has, and nobody ever will!
TISH: You got that right
(Zin returns - and pushes Tish over the edge. He laughs, and
throws rocks down on both of them)
(In another room, Stan looks out onto
the desert through a broken arch)
STAN: Well, this looks like as
good a spot as any
XEV: Are you sure this is the right solution?
But it is the only one
(Stan and Xev pick Kai up and take him to the
STAN: How're you gonna land right? You can hardly, hardly
KAI: I still have some limited motor control. The drop will take time. I
will attempt to modify my landing position, during my descent
KAI: I will do my best
STAN: OK, and then you're gonna come right
back up and rescue us, right?
KAI: If I return to normal functionality I will
return immediately and rescue you
(They pull him onto the ledge. Stan
hears something, and looks back at the dark end of the room)
There's somebody up here
STAN: Over there
XEV: I can't see
STAN: I did. I'm sure I did. Come on Xev, we gotta hurry
Which side should you land on?
KAI: My left side
(They move him on
the ledge. Stan looks back again)
STAN: Hurry Xev. There is somebody
up here. Kai, I sure hope this works
KAI: You should
XEV: I hope it works
KAI: I suggest that you do not delay further
(They push him off the edge, and watch him
STAN: Did you see what side he was going down on?
(Far below, Kai hits the sand)
you see how he landed?
STAN: I bet he landed just fine. I bet he's
already working again. He's gonna be on his way up here any
(Kai gets up - and falls over. He rolls down the sandy slope.
A balloon hovers over him as he crawls. Xev looks out of the
XEV: A balloon
struggles to rise, but keeps falling over)
XEV: I don't know Stan.
If he had landed right he would be back up here by now, don't you
(As Kai crawls, two balloonists take hold of his
KAI: I must return to the top
microsystems are still not properly aligned
BALL: You're coming with
KAI: I must return to Stan and Xev
(Stan and Xev watch the
balloon take off)
STAN: It's landing on that city
STAN: Where're you going?
XEV: To that city
are you going to get there?
XEV: I don't know, somehow
(Stan gets up. Prince is standing at
the other end of the room, smiling)
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana