Lexx 3.08 The Key
(written by Paul Donovan)
(The balloon heads for the atmosphere connecting Fire and
Water. Stan pumps, Xev steers, and Kai ties a rope around his waist. As they
approach the Lexx, Xev and Stan strap themselves in)
(He fires his brace, and the balloon is pulled along behind the
Lexx. Back onboard, the three of them walk along a passageway)
Yeah, I want you two to know that I hereby officially pull rank
STAN: Why? Because we've been orbiting these two stupid planets for far
too long, and things have not been going exactly well. Agreed?
STAN: Yeah - and being a true fact that I am the only one here that
ever acts sensibly, and seeing that I'm the captain of the Lexx, I hereby
officially insist that we leave this system by the quickest means
XEV: And why should you be captain anyway?
STAN: I should be
captain because I am the captain. I have the key to the Lexx, and that's it.
(They go onto the bridge. Stan gets onto the pedestal, picks up
790, puts him on the armrest)
790: Welcome back - captain
790: Not you! Welcome back Kai, captain of my heart
790: I suffered here so long in silence, all alone, by myself,
desperately longing for the cold dead flesh I desire. It hurts so bad, Kai.
Promise me you'll never go away from me again
790: Did you miss
me? Tell me that you missed me at least
KAI: I did not miss you
Nobody missed ya - not Kai, not Xev, not me, not anybody!
790: I missed you,
Kai. Was there someone else? You didn't meet another -
STAN: Oh, what,
another tin can like yourself? No, but there was that one, er, really cute girl
down there on Boomtown, wasn't it? She made absolutely no secret of her, er -
desire to play hide the sausage with the dead man
790: You killed her, of
STAN: (sad) No. Somebody pushed her out of a
790: (sarcastic) How sad
XEV: It was
(Kai looks at Xev)
activates the template. Xev looks at her hand, then at the
STAN: OK, Lexx - who is your captain?
LEXX: You are my
STAN: Thank you, Lexx. I just wanted to remind everyone of
that. So Lexx, how do we get out of this system, the fastest, the safest way
KAI: For us to move, the Lexx must eat. For Lexx to eat, we must
bring it food. To do that, we have to go down to one of the planets
no no no no no. We are not going down to either one of those planets ever
KAI: I can go down on my own. I do not require your assistance
No, you are not gonna go down on your own, I mean, if you go down there
something's gonna happen to you, and then Xev is gonna go down and something bad
is gonna happen to her, then I'm gonna have to go down and rescue Xev and
something really terrible is gonna happen to me, and in order to avoid all those
negatives nobody's going anywhere ever again - that's it
KAI: We can use the
moths to bring food to the Lexx, but the moth breeders are incapable of flying
them without guidance. It will take many trips, and therefore considerable
790: Which we do not have. Once each orbit the Lexx passes through the
thin atmosphere that joins the two planets and is slowed down. Each time it
slows down, its orbit decays
790: So, that means it will not be
long before the orbit becomes so tight that the Lexx crashes and we are all
XEV: How long?
790: 191 hours
STAN: Why didn't you tell us that
790: How could I? I was up here, without Kai, all alone, by myself
while my beloved dead man was down on the two planets without me playing hide
the sausage. Kai?
790: I forgive you
(Stan does not
feel well at the news, and goes to the toilet. For reasons which are never
adequately explained, Kai goes with him - but doesn't watch)
Well, you know, I'm just gonna take a moth, and I'm gonna fly to the nearest
KAI: I do not recommend that
KAI: The nearest system,
which may or may not have life bearing planets, would take more than 17 years to
reach in a moth
STAN: Well, still, I mean flying for 17 years is better than
crashing in 191 hours
KAI: A moth would be out of fuel in under 30
STAN: Well, what are we gonna do? Ha - I got it!
I can't believe I didn't think of this before, how could I be so stupid?
There are many ways
STAN: Ha ha
(Stan pulls up his
STAN: The Lexx's weapon still works, right?
starts doing up his uniform)
STAN: OK, then we use it to blow up the
two planets. Lexx eats the chunks and then we just go on our way again
Those planets have people on them
STAN: Oh? Really? Well, they're certainly
not like any people any of us have ever seen before. I mean, they're not born,
there's no children. There's definitely something seriously wrong with these two
planets and this universe will be a better one as soon as they're made into Lexx
KAI: But would it be the right thing to destroy them?
STAN: Well, of
course it would, I mean, you've been down there. Fire's a, it's a terrible
place, and Water - it's just weird. And you know what else is weird. I'm
actually beginning to like pooing on these toilets. Think that's strange,
(Stan walks away. Kai thinks)
KAI: I do not know.
The dead do not poo
(The bridge. Xev is up on the pedestal. Stan
looks at her and she slowly steps down. Stan gets up and activates the
STAN: Lexx, when will you be pointed at one of those two
LEXX: In 14 hours and 12 minutes, I will be
pointed directly at the desert planet
STAN: OK, good. Then Lexx, in 14 hours
and 12 minutes I want you to use your weapon -
(Xev places her hand
XEV: Do you think it's right to destroy the planet,
STAN: No, I don't think it's right, I think it's, er, it's - it's
most excellently right
XEV: But you have no idea of the consequences
Yeah, yeah Xev, I do. You see, an evil planet is gonna be blown into tiny little
chunks, and then the Lexx, hopefully, is gonna eat those chunks, and then we'll
be able to sail away from a place where I really don't wanna be anymore
And the Water planet?
STAN: Can stay where it is. OK Lexx - in 14 hours and
however many minutes, when you're pointed at the desert planet again, will you
please, please, blow it up for me, OK?
LEXX: As you command, Stan
sure there will be consequences. The two planets are very - close
(The cryochamber. Kai is sitting on the floor by a cryopod,
topping up his protoblood. Xev is sitting nearby, watching him)
Kai, do you think it's fair that Stan is our captain?
don't you think I should have a turn, or you?
KAI: I am dead. The key cannot
live inside me
(Xev lies down on her back)
XEV: How much
do you know about the key, about how it works?
KAI: The last Divine Shadow,
whom I killed, was meant to possess the key and command the Lexx. As I have his
memories I have a general understanding of how it works
key is a living thing. It is inside Stanley. And it can be transferred by him to
someone else - at the point of his death (thinks) Or other
(Xev sits up, interested)
XEV: What other
KAI: The Divine Shadow I killed was not concerned with the transfer of
the key to the Lexx except to the next Divine Shadow to follow him, who would
have received it on his death, by a kiss
(He disconnects the
KAI: There are other ways to transfer the key, but
I do not know what they are
(He stands up)
XEV: So how
can we find out?
KAI: 790 has some bio-diagnostic capacity. He may be able to
(790 is wheeling along a misty passageway on his trolley. He
bumps into Xev)
790: Look what Kai found for
(Xev goes into her bedchamber. 790 follows)
- do you think you're attractive?
XEV: I don't know if that's for me to
(Xev sits on her bed)
790: Oh, you are - for a woman,
anyway. But still, you could pick yourself up a bit
XEV: My hair?
(She holds her hair up, looks at
XEV: What about it?
790: Lose it. A shaved head would suit
you better. And your waistline -
XEV: My waistline?
up, looks at her waist)
790: You need to beef up a bit. I suggest
you start eating more - a lot more. And your wardrobe - you have to start
covering up. A big leather sack with two eye holes would work for
(Xev sits down again)
XEV: 790 -
790: I can't stand
it, the way you prance around looking the way you do! You think he's beautiful,
XEV: 790 -
790: Don't deny it. Say it. Kai is truly
XEV: 790, I want to -
790: To have and to hold him. Just say it.
Crush me like a bug
(Xev picks 790 up)
XEV: No. I want to make you a deal 790: But why should I want to make a
deal with you?
XEV: You want Kai to be yours alone, right?
790: Of course.
I'm madly in love with him
XEV: And you're worried that I am your
790: You're the only other woman onboard
XEV: I will
agree to back off from Kai completely, but only if you agree to help me
I will do whatever I have to do. My love knows no limits
(Stan's bedchamber. Stan is sleeping in his moth bed. Xev walks
XEV: It's my turn to have the key
STAN: Huh? Oh
XEV: It's my turn to be captain
runs her fingers along the moth's door frame)
STAN: Oh, Xev, I was
having a nice dream and you're ruining it
XEV: It's my turn to have the
STAN: What are you talking about?
XEV: It's my turn to be
STAN: (sleepy) Uh - no, Xev. You can't be captain because I
XEV: How is that fair?
STAN: I didn't say it was fair. Look, look at it
from my side. I don't always want to be captain. I mean, you know, sometimes the
pressure and responsibility can get you down but look, that doesn't matter -
I've got the key, you don't. I'm the captain, period
(Xev puts her
foot on the end of the bed)
XEV: You can transfer it at the point of
STAN: Oh yeah, yeah, thank you very much, but I feel just fine right
(Xev starts to crawl onto the bed)
XEV: Would you let
me have a turn as captain if you could give me the key?
STAN: Yeah yeah yeah,
I'm a fair person
XEV: So you would
STAN: Look, we can't do it, so it
XEV: Just answer, Stanley. If you could transfer the key,
would you let me have a turn as captain?
STAN: Yes I would
(Later, everyone is in the cryochamber. Stan is in a cryopod,
with sensors stuck to his forehead)
790: If the key can be
transferred at the point of death, what's the point of this?
It's just a waste of time
790: Why not let Kai finally act like an assassin
and kill Tweedle and be done with it?
STAN: Because unlike you, Xev is not a
psychotic robot head
790: I'm a mad robot head. A crazy in love robot head. A
Kai-obsessed robot head who wants to play hide the sausage with his man right
STAN: Ooo, a poofter robot head!
790: I resent that
STAN: Oh, why?
You're a he, he's a he
790: I am not a he. I am a she
STAN: Don't think
790: I am
790: You just hate me
because I'm different. You see only my hard metal exterior. You don't see the
soft woman on the inside
STAN: Inside, you're a fuse box, pal
(sobs) Kai. Please Kai. I really need a kiss right now
(Kai leans over and plants a kiss on top of 790, who has hearts
on his eye screens)
790: I am at the point of joy
KAI: The point
of death is the point of joy
STAN: What are you talking about?
died a long time ago, but I still remember the experience
also remember the experience of sexual climax from the time when I was
STAN: Oh well, that's very nice. I'm very happy for ya
KAI: And -
there is a certain similarity between the two events
Between getting your jollies and getting killed?!
KAI: Yes. The quality of
release was somewhat the same, only, with death it was far greater
well, well that's interesting, that's something for me to look forward to -
hopefully, a long way down the road
XEV: 790, focus on the part of Stan's
brain where he experiences sexual pleasure
790: Urgh! I'd rather not - but, I
will do it for the greater good
(790 starts scanning. Xev hooks her
finger around Stan's belt buckle)
There is an unusually elevated level of electrical activity in the medulla
STAN: (to Xev, suggestively) Elevated
XEV: Is it the
790: I think it's just accelerated Tweedle perversion
790: I am! And I can't tell
XEV: But whatever is there could
be the key to the Lexx?
790: Could be
XEV: Stan, when you first got the
key, how did it feel?
STAN: I don't know. OK
XEV: OK, or - good?
I don't know, good I suppose, in a weird kind of way
XEV: A sexual
STAN: Sexual way? I don't know Xev, I mean I wasn't exactly focused at
the time. I mean come on, you were there, it was 4000 years ago. I mean, maybe
it was in, you know, a sexual way, I can't remember. Look Xev, this doesn't
matter. I mean -
(He starts removing the sensors)
790 can't find the key - ow! - and I am not at the point of death, thank you
very much, which means that I am gonna remain captain of the Lexx for the
foreseeable future, so we're wasting our time here, OK? Now I'm going to go back
to my bed and get some sleep. Bye!
(Stan gets out of the cryopod, and
leaves the cryochamber)
(Later, on the bridge. Xev is sitting on the
pedestal, with Kai beside her, while 790 wheels around)
XEV: So -
was it the location of the key?
790: I think so
XEV: Then how do we get it
out of him?
790: Oh - Kai, please kill Stan. It's the best thing you could do
790: Xev and I made a deal
(Xev looks at
790: She said that if I helped her get the key from Stan she
would stay away from you and leave you to me alone without any competition from
her so I can have you all to myself
KAI: Is that true Xev?
instructed the Lexx to blow up the planet. I can stop him - if I have the
790: But if we don't blow up the planets we're going to crash
It's not the right decision, 790. So Kai - how do we get the key out of
KAI: There is - potentially - a connection between the ecstasy of sexual
climax, the ecstasy of death, and the location of the key in Stanley's brain. He
may be able to transfer the key at will, if his medulla sexuala is stimulated to
the required level of ecstasy
XEV: And how do we get Stanley to this level of
790: Easy. He likes you, you like him, what's the problem?
do not think that a normal level of sexual excitation will suffice
(Kai looks at Xev)
KAI: I'm sure she's up to the
(Kai walks off the bridge. 790 tries to follow, but can't
quite make it up the ramp)
790: Kai. Kai? Kai!
sleeping in his bedchamber. Xev leans over him, and he wakes
STAN: What now?
XEV: I have another proposal
gets out of bed, and starts putting his uniform on)
STAN: I'm not
wasting anymore time with this
XEV: You won't be wasting your time, I
STAN: You interrupted me once, so 790 could probe my brain, and what
came of that? Nothing
(Xev stands behind him)
agreed to give you the satisfaction you want if you could find a way to transfer
STAN: Yeah, well we didn't
XEV: We did
STAN: No we didn't,
except at my point of death, which, you know, it's really not somewhere I wanna
go right now
(Stan sits on his bed)
XEV: No. There is
XEV: I want to bring you to the very extreme of
sexual excitement, and then together we will travel beyond that extreme, into
the land of ultimate sexual fulfilment
STAN: Me and you?
XEV: Yes. I want
to take you where you've never been before
(Xev holds Stan's chin. He
pulls away, and tries to put his boots on)
STAN: Don't tease me Xev,
I am not up for it
XEV: I'm not going to tease you - I'm going to please
(She strokes his face)
STAN: And er, and I just have
to give you the key, that's the deal?
XEV: Oh no, it's not about the key
anymore. I just want to surrender my body to you
(She takes Stan's
boot, drops it on the floor)
STAN: Don't get me wrong Xev, you know,
the idea of you surrendering your body to me, it's very very appealing, but
you've come onto me like this before and it has not exactly resulted in er, what
you say, ultimate sexual satisfaction
(Stan puts his boots
STAN: So, what's the catch?
XEV: The catch is that we may
have less than 190 hours to live
XEV: I'm the only woman on
the ship, and you're the only real man
(She puts her hand on Stan's
STAN: Well, yeah
XEV: And you know I have special needs.
So the time has just come
(She takes Stan's hand, puts it on her
XEV: I want my needs filled - and I don't really care what
happens after that
(Stan smiles, and rubs his nose against
STAN: Yeah - I knew you'd come round sooner or
(Xev walks away)
STAN: So - what's wrong? XEV:
STAN: Oh - don't tell me this is just another one of your
XEV: No. Not at all. You know, this is not just going to be ordinary
sex Stanley. You're going to have the thrill of your lifetime, so there are
certain things we have to do
STAN: Like what?
XEV: You'll see
(Xev's bedchamber. She is sorting through some pieces of
fabric when Kai enters)
XEV: Kai? What's
(She walks over to him)
KAI: I was - thinking about
XEV: In what way?
KAI: I was thinking about you, in a different
XEV: What do you mean, different?
(Kai kisses her, and she
kisses back. Tongues are involved. She looks at him. He looks at her. She walks
away, and he watches. She looks back - then leaves)
Stan is in a cryopod, wearing a strange outfit that looks like it's made of
latex scraps. He's also wearing sensors, including some sort of groinal
attachment. Xev is wearing a blue outfit made up of veils. She's attaching some
rubber sensors to Stan's fingertips)
STAN: Is this really
XEV: It just makes it a more - committed experience
maybe, but I'm not liking it
XEV: You will
(790 wheels in on his
trolley. He hits something and flies into the air. Xev catches him and puts him
on the cryopod control unit)
STAN: OK. Now that's it. You -
STAN: I am not gonna have the sexual thrill of a lifetime with
you looking on!
XEV: He needs to be here
STAN: Well OK, then I'm outta
790: I'll look away
(He looks away)
STAN: Xev, I
am not gonna be able to perform with him here
XEV: We need his help Stanley.
He can stimulate certain parts of you
STAN: No he can't!
Electrically. I will do the rest
(She makes some adjustments to
STAN: I don't know, Xev
XEV: This is not going to
be ordinary sex, Stan - far beyond that
STAN: Well, can't we start with
ordinary sex and work up from there?
(Xev grabs the groinal
attachment, switches it on. It starts humming. Stan starts
XEV: It will be like nothing you've ever experienced
before. 790, you can go for now. Stan and I would like to be alone for a little
bit. I'll call you when I need you
(Xev throws 790 onto
the floor. She picks up a clamp)
XEV: But, to feel the ultimate in
(She squeezes the clamp. Electricity
XEV: We're going to have to start with a little bit of
(She attaches the clamp to Stan's nipple)
not good with pain
XEV: I'm very good with pain
(Stan is now
wearing some sort of helmet on his head, lots of wires tailing from it. He has
his hands over his eyes)
STAN: 17, 18, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100! I'm
(He laughs, and uncovers his eyes)
(Xev has somehow arranged for laser lights at one end of the
cryochamber. She steps out of the light, and starts doing her version of the
dance of the seven veils)
STAN: Oh, yes. I want you
grabs his groinal attachment, switches on the electricity)
that's gotta hurt!
(Xev steps up on the cryopod, throws a veil over
Stan's head, and walks out of the cryochamber)
STAN: Touch me again
Xev. Touch me, touch me, touch me, come on! Xev! Xev!
(Xev is in the
passage outside the cryochamber, getting her breath back. Kai approaches, and
stands very close to her)
(Kai puts his left
hand on her right breast)
KAI: I want you
XEV: I thought the dead
KAI: Get aroused? You're right Xev. My actions - do not make
XEV: What about the key?
KAI: I want you - right now
XEV: Let me
finish with Stanley first. Then I'll catch up with you
Kai's hair back, kisses his cheek, then turns away. She goes back into the
cryochamber, picks 790 up and places him on the cryopod control unit. She looks
at Stan. Then she steps up, removes the veil and kisses him, tweaking the nipple
clamp for good measure)
XEV: The electricity goes straight to your
STAN: Oh, Xev
XEV: It will shock you to the edge. And I will be the
fire who takes you over it
(She kisses him again. Kai is watching
from the passage)
(Xev waves a veil - she is
down to a sort of bikini outfit now)
XEV: Are you at the edge,
STAN: Oh boy
(Xev rubs herself against
XEV: I want your key in my keyhole. Make it come part way out,
I wanna see it!
STAN: Oh, just forget about the key Xev, I want you
(Xev stretches her leg up against the side of the
XEV: Just let me see it, please, if you can. Show it to
(She sucks a sensor off his
XEV: Let your key come out to play. Show me
(She holds her hand up)
XEV: I'm as hot as you are,
Stanley. I want you. Give me the key, please! I promise I'll give it back to
STAN: Do you really really promise?
XEV: Have I ever let you down?
STAN: Not really
XEV: See, so give it
STAN: Oh, you're just playing with me Xev!
XEV: I wanna play all the
STAN: All the way?
XEV: All the way!
STAN: All the way
(Stan's hand starts to glow)
790: That's it!
That's the key!
XEV: Yes! Trust me! Trust -
(The key transfers,
knocking Xev backwards. She looks at her hand)
STAN: OK now, Xev.
Keep your promise. Take me to the edge and beyond
790: Go for it Xev. You
want him. The security guard wants you. What's holding you back?
He's right. You made a deal
790: I'll close my eyes
STAN: Come on, Xev. Gonna stick to your deal Xev?
(smiles) I always stick to my deals, Stanley
forward, switches off the groinal socket, and gets up on top of
STAN: Oh boy. Yeah. This works. This works. Oh, it's working.
Oh, this is working. Yeah, it's working
(Fire and Water drift apart,
as the Lexx spins in its orbit, pointing tail up between them)
790 is on the bridge. Kai walks in)
790: Kai! The love slave slut
let the security guard violate her with his spear of wickedness
walks onto the bridge)
KAI: Is this true?
(Kai thinks about this. Xev gets up onto the pedestal, activates
XEV: Lexx - who is your captain?
LEXX: You are my
(Stan walks onto the bridge, doing up his uniform and singing
STAN: Stanley, so big and strong and manly, woo!
(He winks at Xev)
XEV: I order
you not to destroy the planet
LEXX: As you command, captain, but I am very
hungry, and I must eat soon
STAN: Oh, well, that's good, isn't it? Now the
Lexx has nothing to eat, and our orbit's decaying so we're gonna crash. Nice
XEV: No we won't
STAN: Oh yeah, why not?
STAN: Then how?
(Xev gets down from the
KAI: You can escape in the moths before the Lexx
(Xev puts her arms around Stan's shoulders)
Anyway, if we do crash, it simply means we'll all die. What's there to be afraid
STAN: Hmm - well you see Xev, given an option I'd rather not die.
(Stan gets onto the pedestal)
XEV: Don't you believe
in an afterlife, Stan?
XEV: Maybe you should
STAN: Oh ha ha
ha, very funny. More fun at Stan's expense. Now look Xev, you said you were
gonna give me back the key, I'm ready for it now so give it to me
clicks his fingers)
STAN: You said you always stick to
your deals, now come on
(He clicks his fingers
XEV: I do. I will give it back to you when I'm ready - which
is not now
(Stan frowns. He gets down from the pedestal and leaves
the bridge. Xev smiles)
(The cryochamber. Stan is sitting on the base of
a cryopod, looking at the helmet. Kai walks in, carrying 790 on his
790: She's total trash. There's no way you could ever see
anything in her now
(Kai puts down 790, who wheels over to
STAN: And how is she total trash?
790: I admit I have never
thought much of her, but even I didn't think she'd ever sink to Tweedle's
STAN: Well, thank you very much 790. Listen, since you don't have a
body and you never will have -
(He puts the helmet on
STAN: It means you're never gonna have the kind of personal
experience that I just had, so maybe you'd like to know what it's like to have
the ultimate sexual experience with a woman?
790: I am not interested in any
type of sexual experience with a woman. I am only interested in sex with my
STAN: OK then, have it your way. Just go right on imagining. I was only
trying to help
(Stan gets up)
KAI: I am
STAN: In what?
KAI: In the details of your sexual experience
790: Oh, no!
STAN: (surprised) Really?
KAI: Yes. I
would like to know what it was like - all the details
STAN: The dead are unpredictable
Xev is on the pedestal, watching Fire and Water on the view screen. She
activates the template)
LEXX: Yes, captain?
want you to fly away from here
LEXX: I cannot do that. I am out of energy and
am not able to fly unless I eat. And captain?
LEXX: I am very
hungry. I must eat, soon
XEV: But you can still blow up planets,
(Stan walks onto the bridge)
LEXX: I can still
blow up planets for now, but I am very hungry
XEV: I'm going to give you a
LEXX: I will do as you command. You are my captain
XEV: Lexx, I
want you to -
STAN: What are you doing?
XEV: (all innocence)
STAN: Practising. Well, I say that is enough practising. Now
look Xev, I kept my end of the bargain. You had your turn as
(Xev gets down from the pedestal)
STAN: Give the
key back to me, now
STAN: How, I don't know how. Look, you took
the key, you give it back
XEV: I brought you over the edge of sexual ecstasy
so you could give me the key. The same has to happen to me so that I can give it
back to you. How am I supposed to get there?
STAN: Well, same way. I'm ready
for round two
(Stan puckers up)
XEV: But I did not get
over the extreme edge of sexual ecstasy in round one
Oh, yes you did
XEV: No, I didn't
STAN: OK, well - how'd you get the
XEV: I didn't have to be over the edge of sexual ecstasy to get the key.
Only you had to be there to give it away
STAN: Oh, so, so you were faking
(Stan laughs, and gets up on the
STAN: I don't believe you! It was too -
XEV: (smiles) Believe it, Stan. You didn't
bring me anywhere near the edge of sexual ecstasy. And if it didn't happen in
round one, it's also not going to happen in round two
cryochamber. 790 is struggling to move his trolley. Kai picks him up)
790: I don't know what you ever saw in her
KAI: I did not see
anything in her
(Kai puts him back on his trolley)
KAI: Yes, 790?
790: You know I'm really a woman, don't
KAI: No. I do not know that
(Kai gets up, and starts tidying
up some of the props from the ultimate sexual experience)
do you mean?
KAI: You are a robot head
790: With a woman trapped inside.
Can't you see that?
KAI: No. I cannot see that
790: How can you do this to
me? After the humiliation I just put myself through with Tweedle for you! How
can you just slap me in the face now?!
(Kai picks 790
KAI: 790 - I have to admit there is a possibility that you are
indeed a woman inside
(He walks out of the cryochamber)
is looking around Stan's bedchamber. She touches one of the columns, and looks
at her fingers. Stan's costume seems to be on the bed. Hmm - does this mean
Stan's wandering around the Lexx naked? No. Stan is fully clothed, on the
pedestal on the bridge)
STAN: OK, one more time
the template - but nothing happens)
STAN: Lexx? Lexx, this is your
captain, Stanley H Tweedle, remember me? Lexx you can't have forgotten me that
quickly. Remember all those planets we blew up together?
onto the bridge)
XEV: I will give it back to
(Stan gets down from the pedestal)
XEV: And we aren't
going to crash
STAN: Yeah. Well, how can you give it back to me if I don't,
you know, do it for you?
XEV: I will simply bring myself over the edge of
STAN: You can do that? I mean, on your own?
(She gets up onto the pedestal)
STAN: Yeah well
look, the Lexx's orbit is decaying, and we will crash unless he gets something
to eat soon, and the only thing out there to eat are those two planets, so -
(Xev activates the template)
XEV: How long before we are directly aimed at the planet
LEXX: In 4 minutes and 12 seconds I will be aimed directly at the
XEV: Then please, when you are directly aimed at it, I want you
to destroy it
LEXX: May I eat the chunks that fly away when I blow it
XEV: You may eat and drink your fill
LEXX: Thank you, captain
Wait now - I thought you didn't want to blow up the planets?
changed my position
(She gets down from the
STAN: OK, well wouldn't Fire be a better choice to blow
up? I mean, if we have to?
XEV: They're both weird planets
XEV: Anyway, we are aimed at Water now, and we are running out of
(Xev puts her arm around Stan's shoulders, and
leads him off the bridge)
STAN: Where are we going?
XEV: I may
not have reached the height of sexual ecstasy in round one, but maybe we will
make some progress in round two
(The cryochamber. 790 is wheeling his
trolley against Kai's legs, trying to lick him. Kai pushes his hair back behind
his ear, then steps forward as Stan and Xev arrive)
STAN: - you were
wearing, but that rubber thing that I had, I didn't like it all that much, it
was just kinda tight and -
(They stop as Kai steps in front of
XEV: I'm going to return the key to Stanley
blocks her way, then kisses her)
STAN: Huh? Hey, she's with
(Kai breaks off the kiss, and looks at Xev)
790: Oh, universe of despair!
KAI: Do you want me, Xev?
Please Kai, she's a tramp!
(Stan is quite put out by all
XEV: This is not the right time
KAI: Why not?
KAI: Because why?
XEV: Because I'm returning the key to Stanley.
We'll have lots of time later. Now just let me pass
(Xev tries to
move, but Kai stops her again)
KAI: You must achieve the required
level of ecstasy in order to transfer the key. Stanley cannot bring you
STAN: Yes I can!
XEV: I can reach it by my own
KAI: You know this
level of ecstasy well, don't you?
XEV: I do - very well
KAI: Like me, you
have been there before
XEV: Many times
KAI: And I will bring you there
(Kai fires his brace into Xev's stomach. Behind her, Stan jumps
back, shocked. Xev gasps, as Kai leans her back into the
790: Good shot! Now you can call yourself an
STAN:(stunned) Kai - you killed Xev
at him, then holds up Xev's hand)
KAI: Hold up your hand,
STAN: You killed Xev
KAI: Hold up your hand, Stanley
(Kai retracts his brace. Xev moans. Kai holds Stan's hand
up to Xev's, and the key transfers. Stan looks at his hand as Xev's body slumps
to the floor - and disappears)
KAI: Did he tell the Lexx to destroy
KAI: Him. Xev
STAN: Well yeah, Xev did. How did you
KAI: Because we are close to the point where Lexx will be directly
aimed at it. Quickly - you must tell Lexx not to destroy it
Kai leave the cryochamber)
790: Kai! Kai! Kai, give me a
(They reach the bridge. Stan gets up onto the pedestal and
activates the template)
STAN: Lexx - don't destroy the water
LEXX: As you command, Stan
(Stan breathes a sigh of
STAN: How much time did we have, Lexx?
LEXX: I was going
to blow up the water planet in 53 seconds, Stan
STAN: OK Lexx, I am your
captain now. Don't listen to anyone else, anymore, ever. Just do as I command,
LEXX: You are my captain, Stan. I always obey my captain
sits down. Kai steps down into the well)
STAN: Oh boy. Kai - you
KAI: No, I did not. I killed Prince
STAN: What do you mean?
Xev, Xev was Prince? Or Prince was Xev?
KAI: Yes. Or at least, what I believe
to be Prince
STAN: That's what you meant by 'him'?
STAN: Prince was Xev? Xev was Prince?
slowly sinks in)
STAN: Oh. Oh boy
(Stan and Kai,
carrying 790, are walking through the cryochamber)
STAN: So where's
KAI: Likely on the planet Fire, where we left her
STAN: We better be
on our way down to Fire
KAI: We have no time to waste
STAN: Does that mean
that I didn't make love to Xev after all?
790: Doesn't matter. She's still
STAN: I really thought it was her
(Kai stops to put 790
KAI: The Xev you saw, was a perfect reproduction. There was no
way to tell
STAN: Well, how could you tell?
KAI: Prince did not kiss like
(Stan and Kai take a moth)
STAN: Does that mean that
I had the ultimate in sexual satisfaction with a man, or a woman?
think that you are best placed to answer that question yourself,
STAN: OK, then she definitely was. I mean, it was the sex of a
lifetime, it really was. So, she had to be, right?
(Kai says nothing.
The moth flies down to Fire)
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana