Lexx 3.10 Battle
(written by Paul Donovan)
(Night. Balloons approach Garden, and balloonists slide down
ropes. Kai is still in his box of earth, singing Yo A O. Stan is sleeping on a
bed of ferns, but the sound of someone moving around wakes him
(Stan looks around, then runs to the
(There are people moving in the shadows.
Stan goes to Kai's trough)
STAN: Kai, Kai, I can't find Lyekka
anywhere and I, er - look, I think we're being attacked
STAN: Well, I don't know, does it matter? Look Kai - I hate to break
the news to you, but you're not a plant! You're a Brunnen G warrior, and then
you became an assassin for the Divine Order, you're not meant to rot in a
garden! So get up out of there and kill!
(Kai doesn't move. Stan
grabs his shoulders and pulls him into a sitting position. The dead almost look
(Elsewhere in Garden, Xev is sleeping on a bed, when some
people grab hold of her. Men with crossbows are moving around stealthily. One is
near the moth, when Kai surprises him from behind)
KAI: May I help
(Balloonists shoot arrows into the man - and Kai. Kai casually
pulls arrows out of himself as he walks to the alarm gong in the courtyard. He
hits it, but none of the gardeners appear in response)
(Xev is tied up,
put into a sack, and carried away)
(Kai sees Stan
STAN: What's happening?
KAI: We are being
STAN: I know that, but by who?
(Lyekka arrives on the scene. Stan hugs
(But from behind, it
becomes clear that Lyekka has several arrows in her back)
(Stan leans her back, cradles her head)
LYEKKA: I just
wanted to make you happy Stan
STAN: You have - you do! Listen, Lyekka, are
LYEKKA: I didn't see them coming. Stan?
have to say goodbye now
STAN: No no no no no, we have to take you back to the
Lexx and we can fix you up
LYEKKA: You make me happy
nearly in tears)
LYEKKA: I'll always be in your heart. If you cry,
you'll lose the memory of our love
(Stan kisses her, and her head
falls back. Kai checks her neck)
KAI: She is
KAI: Yes. And Stanley, you are in danger. I can protect
you, but I cannot protect you and the moth and Xev at the same time unless you
STAN: Yeah. I guess you're right
Lyekka's body on the ground)
STAN: Where's Xev?
(They see someone getting into the moth)
They've got the moth!
(The moth flies away. Stan and Kai go to check
STAN: Xev! Xev!
(They go back out into the
courtyard. Kai looks up at the moth)
STAN: Can you reach it?
Yes, I can
(Kai readies his brace)
STAN: I'm coming with you
(Stan puts his arms around
KAI: Hang on
(Kai's brace shoots out, gets hold of
the moth, and they are pulled up to it. Kai pulls the balloonist out of the
moth, and Stan and Kai climb in. There is a bundle in the back of the
STAN: Xev? Kai, you fly, I'll help Xev. Xev, is that
(He feels the bumps on the front of the
STAN: It is Xev. Xev, Xev?
(Stan starts untying
the bundle - but it's not Xev. It's a Xev shaped bomb)
STAN: I don't
(The 'breasts' ignite, sparks flying)
(They jump out of the moth. Prince is
in a balloon, watching all this through a telescope. The moth
PRINCE: A moth, it doth go boom
falls into the sea. Stan and Kai fall, until Kai's brace catches hold of a
balloon. He throws the balloonists out)
(Prince's balloon. Apart from
Prince, the other passengers are two balloonists, a red robed priest, and Xev.
She is standing with her hands tied up above her, and a bag over her head, which
Prince removes - the bag, that is, not her head)
PRINCE: A moth, it
doth descend. Kai and Stanley assumed that you would be in the moth, exactly as
I had anticipated
PRIEST: It was an excellent plan
PRINCE: Stupid? Do you doubt me, Xev?
XEV: Kai can't be killed,
he's already dead
PRINCE: But Stanley can. And Kai does not float.
PRIEST: My prince thinks of everything
Prince a wonderfully grovelly look)
PRINCE: So, we have you, and
Stanley and your dead man are out of the picture, isn't that
(Priest moves to stand
next to Xev)
PRINCE: I won't disagree with that
what we do
PRINCE: We're bad
PRIEST: It's our job
PRIEST: Our commitment
PRINCE: We're the opposite of good
PRINCE: You see Xev, that's what Fire is all about. It's the
repository of all that is not good
(Prince stands next to Xev, on the
opposite side to Priest)
Priest) Don't you have a mind of your own?
PRIEST: Oooo... (he looks
at Prince) No
PRINCE: Am I beautiful?
PRIEST: The most
PRIEST: The sharpest
(Prince touches Priest's
PRINCE: Do you love me?
Would you die for me?
PRINCE: In an instant
XEV: I think I'm going to be
(Prince lets go of Priest)
PRINCE: You see Xev,
Priest lives on Fire and I am its ruler. And he knows that the least hint of
disobedience would mean an immediate return to terrible pain and suffering, and
as you know -
(Prince strokes Xev's arm)
very good with pain (chuckles) However, as he is my priest, he does not
suffer much - for now, at least
(Priest looks through the
PRIEST: My prince - we have a problem
goes to the edge of the gondola and looks up through the telescope, to see Kai
and Stan in a gondola above. Stan is peering over the edge at the balloons -
dozens of them)
STAN: The sky's full of balloons. They're
everywhere. They're all around us
KAI: And one of them likely contains Xev
(shouts) Xev! Can you hear us?
(Priest puts his
hand over Xev's mouth)
STAN: That was Xev, did you hear that?
(shouts) Xev! We can hear you! Xev, where are you?
the game will become more interesting
PRIEST: A challenge
PRIEST: A contest
PRINCE: A battle
XEV: Which you will
PRIEST: A defeat
PRINCE: A defeat?
PRIEST: For them. Victory for
(Prince sits on the edge of the
PRINCE: You see Xev -
PRIEST: Flying a balloon
PRINCE: Flying a balloon is not a science. It's not an art. There's a lot
of luck involved. Sometimes you get an updraft -
PRIEST: Sometimes you don't
PRINCE: You never know. But if you have a lot of balloons -
PRINCE: Then you're more likely to get a favourable wind than if you
have only one. It's a simple matter of mathematics. In order to destroy their
balloon, our balloons must rise higher
PRIEST: Or at least one of them
(Prince looks at Priest)
Rise above all the others
PRINCE: We need to shed some
(Priest looks at Xev)
(A balloonist walks past Priest - who pushes him over the edge.
Prince stands up and looks at the other balloonist - who jumps over the
PRINCE: Thank you!
(He looks at
PRINCE: We need you more than we need them. You could be
(It's now sunrise)
STAN: We gotta make it to
another one of those cities
KAI: Don't you want to rescue Xev?
yeah Kai, but we gotta get some help first
KAI: I have observed that the
residents of the various cities on Water suffer from - or perhaps, benefit from
- a certain complacency in relation to the potential dangers they face
KAI: They seem to live for the minute, in a kind of continuum, and will
likely show no interest in our problem
STAN: OK, what do you suggest
KAI: Engage the other balloons in battle, to save Xev now - on our
STAN: But what - but they're all around us, how can we attack them
KAI: We will not have to attack them. They appear to be organising
themselves to attack us
STAN: Oh, come on, there's way too many. They're
gonna beat us
KAI: Likely you are correct
STAN: OK, I'm correct. What are
we gonna do?
KAI: Whatever we can
STAN: You know Kai, that's easy for you
to say because you're an assassin. You see, I'm a security guard class 4,
formerly an assistant deputy backup courier. You know, doing battle's not part
of my nature
KAI: You are captain of the Lexx, the mightiest weapon in the
two universes - what's left of them - and have been so for more than four
(Stan thinks about this. The balloons float over
Water, which is quite pretty apart from the screams of the men who are thrown
overboard. On their balloon, Stan is working the pump)
seek advantage by rising above us, so they are shedding weight to gain in
STAN: I'm pumping this thing as hard as I can
nearby balloon, men get their crossbows ready. Prince gives a signal and they
fire. The arrows bounce off the side of the gondola - apart from one which
sticks in Kai's chest)
STAN: Did they hit us?
KAI: Not where it
(He pulls the arrow out)
KAI: They are not trying
to hit the gondola. Their strategy is to puncture our balloon's bag and make us
(Stan looks up. Kai readies his brace and aims at Prince,
who is watching through the telescope. He sees Kai lower his
PRINCE: Make sure they all stay out of range of his
PRIEST: Excellent plan
(Priest grovels, then goes back to
the pump. Prince steps down to Xev, takes out his phial and offers it to
PRINCE: Would you care for a drink?
(Xev turns her
PRINCE: Very well. I won't bother to offer you one
(Prince drinks. The balloons are rising higher now. Stan stops
pumping and looks. All the archers are aiming at them)
rising above us
STAN: Well what can we do?
KAI: We can wait
KAI: For them to make a mistake
STAN: That's our entire
STAN: Yeah, well what if they don't make a mistake?
Then they will succeed and we will fail
STAN: What does that mean?
means, that you will die -
(Stan stops pumping)
I will sink to the centre of this planet
(Stan goes over to the side
of the gondola and looks down, then goes back to the pump)
is it that I do all the pumping and you do all the standing
(Prince gives a signal, and the archers fire again. Kai grabs
a crossbow bolt out of the air, inches from Stan's face)
KAI: I will
pump if you request, but then I will not be able to stop darts
that's OK, I like to pump
(He starts pumping again)
Did they get the balloon?
KAI: Not yet. Close
(An arrow hits the
deck near Stan, who ducks)
(Meanwhile, on the bad guy balloon -
PRINCE: You seem so far away from me now - and we used to be so
XEV: We were never close
(Prince stands behind her, with one
arm around her waist, the other hand on her breast)
remember your kisses well. They were warm and close
XEV: I was vulnerable,
and you took advantage of me. There was nothing real
PRINCE: I see hate in your eyes (chuckles) You
should be one of mine, you should be with me. If you can hate me, you should be
able to hate others. It's a small step for you to take. Take it Xev. Be
(Prince moves away, with his back to
XEV: Why do you do this?
PRINCE: I tempt those who can be
tempted, and I punish those who deserve to be punished. That is my function, my
occupation, my job - my joy
(He turns around)
What is wrong with that? And I also punish some who have done nothing wrong, who
slip through the cracks - but then, no system is perfect
behind her again, kisses her arm)
PRINCE: You may not understand why
I do what I do, but even less do I understand why you make the choices that you
(He moves forward)
PRINCE: I can see into you, Xev. I
can see things inside you that even you do not consciously
(He puts his hands on her head, leans toward
PRINCE: You have every reason to hate
(An image: a
baby standing in a small box, being patted by robot arms. On a view screen a
recording of a matron drones on, with pauses for a name to be
MATRON: Good baby. Good baby. Good baby. Good baby. Good
baby - Xev of B3K
(The robot arms give the baby
MATRON: Good food. Good food. Good food baby - Xev of
(The image disappears when Prince takes his hands away from Xev's
PRINCE: Do you remember that? Your childhood, Xev of
(He strokes her hair)
PRINCE: But you
were raised in a box
XEV: I was raised in the wife bank on B3K, yes. But I
really don't remember much of it
PRINCE: There was not much about it to
(He strokes her hair again)
(The archers fire again -
and this time hit the balloon bag)
STAN: We've been
(Stan and Kai look up at their balloon)
(Stan pumps, but air is hissing out of the balloon.
Priest watches through the telescope, Prince stands behind
PRIEST: We have punctured their balloon bag. They are going
down. Soon they will be in the water and we can shoot at them at will
We do not want that
PRIEST: So what do we do?
(Prince goes back to Xev. He puts his hand up to her head, but
she pulls away. He moves behind her, and she pulls away again, so he grabs her
head with both hands. Another image: Xev is now a teenager, fat, with braces,
still dressed like a baby. She is sitting at a desk in the box, watching the
matron on the view screen)
XEV: Good morning matron
morning, Xev of B3K. Lesson 376. Your husband asks you "Do you think I'm fat?"
What is the correct answer?
2. It's not what you look like on the
outside, but the man on the inside that matters to me
3. I like a man with a
lot of meat on his bones! Can we get naked now and play ride the tower of
XEV: It's not what you look like on the outside, but the man on the
inside that matters to me?
MATRON: Wrong! The correct answer is - I like a
man with a lot of meat on his bones! Can we get naked now and play ride the
tower of power? (angry) Xev of B3K - always flatter your man. Never
admit his failings. Use any occasion to please him in bed. Xev of B3K - at this
rate you will not graduate from the wife bank for - 5.9 years
XEV: I'll try
to do better in future, Matron
(Back on the balloon. Tears are
running down Xev's face)
PRINCE: Do you remember that?
all a blur. Hard to remember exactly - but also hard to forget
(Xev forces back the tears)
(Xev takes a deep breath, then looks Prince in the
(Prince walks away, to
PRIEST: Should we fire everything at them now?
Firing everything at them will have no effect on the dead man. It is now time to
change our strategy
PRIEST: The right thing to do
PRINCE: You should have
come over to me Xev
PRINCE: I once gave you the chance to let
Stanley Tweedle destroy this planet, but you refused my chance because you are a
good person - which means you are my enemy, which means you have to die. Throw
her over the side
PRIEST: With pleasure
(Priest lets Xev's arms
down, then wraps rope around her and takes her to the edge of the
PRINCE: But, we will attach a piece of string to her, to
improve our negotiating position
(Stan is pumping, when he hears a
STAN: What was that?
(Xev has been
thrown overboard, and is dangling at the end of a rope beneath Prince's
PRINCE: (shouts) The time has come for you to make
STAN: He wants to make a deal, what now?
KAI: We wait for him
to make a mistake
STAN: Well, he hasn't been making too many so far. Listen
Kai, why don't you just, you know, do the assassination thing with your brace
and get this over with?
KAI: I would, if my brace were fully functional, but
it is not
STAN: (shouts) What, what's the deal?
PRINCE: The dead
man will jump over the side and sink into the sea. Unless he does that in ten
seconds, Priest will cut the cord on Xev, and she will sink into the sea.
PRINCE: 9. 8. 7.
(Kai moves to the side of the
XEV: No! Don't do it, Kai!
PRINCE: 6. 5.
(Kai gets up onto the edge)
STAN: No Kai, don't do it.
You're our only hope
PRINCE: 3. 2. 1.
(Prince leans over to
PRINCE: Look! He's climbing over the side for you. Isn't it
XEV: No, Kai!
STAN: No, Kai!
(Kai dives off the edge.
Priest cuts the rope holding Xev - and Kai's brace gabs hold of the gondola. Xev
falls into the water, bobs up again)
PRINCE: Why did you do
PRIEST: The ten seconds were up, so I cut the cord like you
PRINCE: I did not tell you to cut it
PRIEST: I am deeply sorry, my
prince. It will not happen again - but I don't know what I did wrong
You - made a mistake
(Priest grovels for all he's
(Stan leans over the edge of the
gondola, looking at Kai swinging below)
KAI: Bring me
down to Xev
(Stan works the controls. Air escapes, and the gondola
goes down. Kai swings on his brace cord, and pulls Xev out of the
PRINCE: There is a faint possibility that your stupidity will
lead to my opportunity. We certainly have the advantage of height
(Kai drags Xev onto their balloon, hands her to
XEV: Thank you
KAI: You're welcome
STAN: Oh, it's nice
to see you Xev
(The archers fire. They hit the balloon bag again -
and again. They keep firing)
STAN: Why don't we just crash, down in
KAI: In that case, I would be fine, but you and Xev would become
very easy targets
(Kai finishes untying Xev, and moves to the front
of the gondola, looking at the balloons. Stan starts pumping
STAN: Kai. Kai, I hate to interrupt your meditation, but
things are not looking very good for us here
KAI: Release the
(Stan stops pumping and looks up in surprise)
Release the stays?
KAI: Yes, we must release the stays which suspend the
gondola from the balloon - now
(Prince watches through the
PRINCE: Fire everything. We must kill them now, before
they get any higher
PRIEST: How can they get any higher?
does not reply)
PRIEST: (shouts) Fire everything! We have
to kill them now!
(More arrows fly. Stan, Xev and Kai are now above
their gondola, standing on the metal base the balloon bags are attached to. Kai
detaches the balloon section, and the gondola drops down into the sea. They all
hang on to the ropes as the balloon rises higher)
STAN: Good move,
(They can see the Lexx in the atmosphere above them. Prince
watches through the telescope)
PRIEST: Shall I release the
STAN: The balloon's losing air. How can we make
it to the Lexx?
KAI: We will have to be very lucky
XEV: We're already
KAI: Soon we will start to drop, rapidly. We must shed
XEV: What weight?
STAN: Oh no no
is climbing up to the balloon section of the gondola. Prince is already
PRINCE: Are you ready?
losing time. What are you doing?
PRIEST: I have to release the mainstay from
up here or else I will go down with the gondola
PRINCE: You're going down
with the gondola
PRIEST: I'm sorry, I'm not clear -
PRINCE: I have no
further use for you. You're dead weight. Now please fall to your death with the
gondola, and don't waste anymore time about it. Is that clear enough for
PRIEST: Very clear. You are my prince
PRINCE: Your mistake provided
my opportunity. Their balloon is losing air, ours is not. It will be easy to
rise above them and pick them off
PRIEST: You are my prince
get on with it
PRIEST: I will get on with it!
(Priest climbs up to
the balloon, and stabs Prince in the chest. Prince falls, landing on his back in
PRINCE: You, you fool! What do you think you will
PRIEST: What else would you expect? Now I will rise to the
PRINCE: No (laughs)
PRIEST: And I will rule this
PRINCE: You will suffer!
(Priest releases the mainstay.
The gondola drops down, and Priest laughs - but he doesn't know that there is a
crossbow on the deck of the gondola. Laughing and coughing, Prince takes the
crossbow, and shoots Priest, who falls from the balloon. Prince dies. The
gondola falls into the sea, while the balloon shoots upwards)
We're not gonna make it, are we?
KAI: No. Our balloon is losing too much
STAN: Well what, what now?
XEV: Look, there
balloon is racing up from beneath them)
STAN: Oh no. No no no no no
no. You're not actually suggesting that I let go and throw myself down there,
and if I'm incredibly lucky land on Prince's balloon, are ya?
STAN: No. Well that's good because, you know, I wouldn't die after I
missed the balloon and hit the water, because my heart'd stop long before
XEV: We have to jump Stan
STAN: No Xev. I'm informing you right now
that I am in no way equipped for a jump like that. You know, my fingers won't
respond to the instructions from my brain to let go. My brain wouldn't even
produce an instruction like that
KAI: I will jump, and then I will bring you
STAN: Well how?
(Kai holds out his brace
STAN: No no no no. Your brace isn't working right,
KAI: Hopefully, you will still be close enough
looks at Xev)
KAI: I think I must pick up Stan first, then I will
(Kai jumps. He lands on top of the balloon, then crawls down
to the base. He fires his brace, which grabs Stan's arm)
I'm not ready for this Xev. You go
XEV: Captains first
smiles, as San is pulled screaming to the other balloon. Kai catches him, and he
STAN: My heart's still working. I don't believe
(They are nearly at the Lexx. Kai readies his brace - then Xev's
STAN: Xev's balloon is outta control. Fire your brace
Kai, fire now!
KAI: She is out of range
STAN: Well we have to go down and
KAI: We will, but in a moth
STAN: A moth? We don't have time. The
other balloons'll get to her first
KAI: We are now in the divide between the
atmospheres of the two planets. Xev - will land on Fire
KAI: We can reach her in a moth, before the other
(He fires his brace, which latches onto the Lexx, pulling
the balloon along)
(Xev's balloon is tossed around. She hangs on as it
crosses the atmosphere divide, and is soon floating over Fire)
Lexx, 790 is wheeling around the bridge on his trolley)
night by the Kai, Kai
All night by his corpse I did moan
I dreamed he was
tweaking my circuits
While I was tweaking his bone
(Xev is now
lower over the desert, air still escaping from the balloon)
(Stan and Kai
are in the moth chamber, getting into a moth. The mothbreeders ignore
STAN: Do these mothbreeders ever stop?
All night without Kai, Kai
I'm lonely, I'm blue, and I'm sick
I dream of
his frozen kisses
And fondling his frozen -
(790 hears the
790: Kai! You've come back to me! Come here, oh dark dead and
(But the moth just chirrups and flies
(790 rolls forward - and falls off his
trolley, landing in the well)
790: Kai, I'm here. Come back. Come
back! Come back. You'll come back. You need me. You're just in an awfully big
hurry. That's all. I understand. It's OK. No, really, it's OK
790: It's not OK! It's not OK! I love you
(The moth flies to Fire. A mothbreeder, walking across the
desert, sees a balloon drift close to the ground. Xev jumps down onto the sand,
and the balloon disappears behind a dune. The mothbreeder falls over near Xev.
She walks to it, and kneels down)
XEV: What are you doing
MOTHB: I must build more moths
XEV: Are you one of the mothbreeders
who were taken to Duketown?
MOTHB: I must build more moths
XEV: I know
this probably doesn't mean anything to you -
(She holds the
mothbreeder's head on her lap, stroke its face)
XEV: But like me,
you were a prisoner on the Cluster, and they turned you into what you are now.
But you were once a real person. A real person who lived a real life. Can you
understand that, even a little?
(The mothbreeder does not
XEV: You were a real person!
MOTHB: I must build more
(The mothbreeder dies)
(She lays the mothbreeder's head down)
(She gets up, and goes for a walk in the desert. Over dunes,
across dark sand. She is heading for one huge dune when through the heat haze
she sees someone approaching. It's Prince. He stops a little way
XEV: You again
PRINCE: Me again
XEV: How did you get
PRINCE: I died
XEV: You don't look dead
PRINCE: I'm not. I died,
and now I have been reawakened here, for you
PRINCE: I want to
be with you when you die. I've never seen anyone die for the first time
XEV: What makes you think that I'm going to die?
You're on the surface of the planet Fire, the sun's up - you cannot last the
XEV: And you?
PRINCE: Oh, I will also
XEV:(sarcastically) How sad
PRINCE: Not for me - I'm used to
it (smiles) And it will not be so bad for you, although your friends
will miss you
(Xev walks towards him)
XEV: Do you know
what a Cluster lizard is?
PRINCE: Not really
XEV: A Cluster lizard is a
very nasty animal, that I think originally came from a very hot place
How does that matter?
(Xev walks past him)
XEV: You will
XEV: In less than an hour
(Elsewhere, Stan and Kai are in the moth, looking for
STAN: We'll never find her
KAI: We will search for the
(The moth flies over a dune)
(One hour later. Prince
is struggling to crawl up a steep slope. Xev is further up the dune. Prince
stops, and rolls onto his back)
PRINCE: How are you going?
Fine, thank you
PRINCE: I'm not. I'm hot, I have to stop
PRINCE: Why aren't you dying?
XEV: I'm very good with
PRINCE: Ironically, I'm not
(She walks back down to
PRINCE: How is it that you're not dying?
XEV: I'm not all
(She sits down, and takes Prince's right hand)
Can you still find whatever memory you want with your hand, like you did
(She licks his index finger)
Think Cluster lizard
(She holds his hand to her head. An image of a
screaming Cluster lizard appears. Prince laughs)
PRINCE: Then I
guess you get to see me die
(Xev stands up)
you still feel anything for me?
XEV: A little
XEV: I agree
XEV: Well - I
didn't admit it before, But I'm hot, too. Really hot
(She turns away,
then looks back as Prince's body disappears. She walks on)
(In the moth,
the search continues. Stan sees a balloon dragging on the
STAN: Hey, look, look, do you see it?
She's not in it
KAI: She may be somewhere upwind
STAN: I hope
dead do not hope
STAN: Yeah, well Kai - the living certainly
(The moth flies past the balloon. Elsewhere in the desert, Xev is
still walking. The planet Water hangs in the sky before her)
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana