Lexx 4.02 TexxLexx
(written by Paul Donovan)
(A shuttle leaves Earth, heading for the Moon. At the same
time, a moth leaves the Lexx, heading for Earth. It flies past the shuttle,
which has a man - Biff - and a woman - Dr Lu - at the
BIFF: Did you see that?
DRLU: What was that?
don't know, it looked like a big bug or something
(Xev and Kai are in
XEV: What was that?
KAI: A slow moving chemical
propelled craft, typical of a Type 13 planet in its last stage of
(The shuttle is reporting back to mission
BIFF: Houston - a great big bug just passed us, heading
straight toward the Earth
HOUSTON: Say that again?
DRLU: We just saw a
giant moth or something
HOUSTON: There are no insects in space
DRLU: Houston, Dr Lu here. It was not likely a moth in the sense of
the common Earth organism, but it had the external appearance of a Lepidopterus
insect of the genus Tinea. However, I would estimate its length to be in the
order of five to six thousand millimetres
HOUSTON: How big was that?
About the size of my pickup, I'd say
PRINCE: Why don't you go outside and
take a look?
(He is sitting in a seat further back in the
BIFF: Well it was going real fast sir, it's probably long
gone by now
PRINCE: It could have slowed down, or turned around
Well, we'd see it on the radar sir, it's not there
PRINCE: Perhaps. Or
perhaps it can deceive the radar. So why don't you put on your space suits, and
go outside and perform a visual check to determine if it is still there
I'm sorry Mr Prince, but we have strict instructions not to go anywhere
PRINCE: To obey whatever orders I give. So - quick, quick, on with your
BIFF: I'll go
PRINCE: You'll both go
Because I say so
(They don't look too sure about
PRINCE: Well, what do you think I'm going to do - leave you
BIFF: (salutes) This is an ATF mission. We will obey your
orders as commanded, sir!
(They get into their suits, and go
BIFF: No sign of anything, Mr Prince
doesn't answer, as he's busy strapping himself into the pilot's
BIFF: Mr Prince?
(The shuttle's engines start
BIFF: Mr Prince?
DRLU: Mr Prince?
BIFF: Mr Prince! Mr
Prince, what are you doing?
PRINCE: I'm going to drive away and leave you
BIFF: How will we get back?
PRINCE: You could walk
BIFF: We're in
the middle of space, sir!
DRLU: Why are
you doing this, Mr Prince?
PRINCE: Because I'm bad - so, good luck
(chuckles) or rather, bad luck. Cheerie bye!
flies off - Biff bounces against the hull a few times)
Prince! Mr Prince! You can't leave us! Mr Prince!
(The moth has
entered Earth's atmosphere. There is a chirping sound)
KAI: A welcoming committee, I suspect
(The moth screen shows
three other craft behind them)
(A dusty road in Texas. A car is pulling a
long trailer. Dougall, a geek, is driving. Also in the car is Tina, a cute
geekette with ponytails and glasses)
TINA: OK, yup, we're onto
(They stop the car, get out and go into the trailer. It's full of
computer equipment, and another geek who is tracking the moth)
fighter planes are also tracking the moth)
PILOT: Stand by to fire.
Prepare missiles. Launch missiles, boys
(The fighters each fire two
missiles. Xev watches their progress on the moth screen)
KAI: Combustion powered missiles with explosive tips, designed to
destroy such things as this moth
XEV: Anything I can do?
KAI: I suggest
you try to avoid them
(The geeks watch on a screen, as Xev suddenly
puts the moth into reverse. The missiles fly past them)
on, come on
XEV: That was close
PILOT: This bandit
thinks he's better than us. Let's squash this bug!
(The missiles turn
to follow the moth again)
XEV: They're turning
KAI: They are tracking us
XEV: Can't you just knock them down with
KAI: That may not be necessary. 790?
(790 is on his
trolley, on the bridge of the Lexx)
790: Yes, my beautiful dead body
of robot desire?
KAI: 790, we are being tracked by small missiles that are
emitting an electronic signal. What is it?
790: It is a simple time coded
number stream transmitted by the missiles to determine whether the object they
are attacking is a friend or a foe. A friendly object would recognise the code
and send the appropriate response code back, so the missiles would not attack
PILOT: Prepare to engage the bug in 30 seconds
KAI: 790, can
you respond on our behalf?
790: I can, Kai. It's just the same stupid signal
the aircraft that fired the missiles is sending out. But why would you want me
to? Why not just let them shoot down the moth? Then Xev would be dead, and I
won't have to worry about her stealing you away from me anymore
XEV: Stop the
KAI: If the missiles destroy the moth, I will have no way to
return to the Lexx, and may be separated from you - forever
gasps, and gets to work. Computer code flashes across his eye screens as he gets
control of the missiles)
790: Ha ha ha! Eat my jam code, missiles
that want to separate me from my beloved!
(Xev is trying to evade the
fighters, but they are still with the moth)
PILOT: I got that bug at
6 o'clock, and I'm moving in to swat that fly right now. Come on, little shoo
fly. I gotcha - I gotcha -
(He's about to fire, when an alarm
PILOT: What in the Sam Hill is going on?
flies the moth straight into the missiles - which ignore her, and blow up the
fighter planes instead. The geeks cheer. Xev laughs, and kisses Kai on the
KAI: Thank you
790: Thank you for what?! Kai, what are you
thanking the love slut for? I'm the one who saved you! Kai! Talk to me. Kai!
What is that love slut doing?! Kai!
(Xev switches the sound
XEV: Thank you Kai
(The moth flies close to an oil
refinery, and a pipe with flame coming out of the top. Xev struggles with the
XEV: It won't respond
KAI: The moth, following its
instincts, is attracted to the flame
(The moth circles the flame -
XEV: The wings are on fire
KAI: You must jump,
KAI: Yes. The moth will not leave the flame until its wings
are no longer able to keep it aloft. I will try to limit the crash damage as
best I can
XEV: All right
(She opens the door of the moth, perches
on the side)
KAI: Good luck Xev
jumps, falls down a pipe and rolls/shoots out of the other end. She watches the
smoking moth fly away, and crash over some hills)
(The Lexx. On the
bridge, Stan is walking/balancing around the edge of the well. 790 is wheeling
around on his trolley)
STAN: Lexx - how many planets in this solar
(The Lexx shows pictures of the planets on the view screen,
and counts them)
LEXX: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and maybe - 9
Eight's enough. Let's see number nine
(The view screen shows
STAN: Ugh. Doesn't really look important, does it?
No planet is important unless my captain says it is - and you are my captain,
(Stan gets up onto the control
STAN: Lexx - do you ever find yourself in the mood to just
blow something up?
LEX: I am always in the mood to blow up planets. That is
what I was built for
STAN: Yeah, yeah. Lexx - do you think you could blow up
that planet with your weapon, even though it's so far away?
LEXX: I think
STAN: You know, I've been feeling the urge to blow something up
So have I, captain
STAN: OK Lexx - blow up that planet
LEXX: As you
STAN: And Lexx - see if you can get it with your first shot,
OK old buddy, old pal?
(The Lexx powers up and fires - but instead of
its usual sheet of flame, it looks more like a fiery doughnut. And it looks
hotter than before. Pluto is destroyed. Stan laughs - and Prince walks onto the
bridge behind him)
PRINCE: Good shot, captain
(He steps down from the pedestal, looks
STAN: You're alive!
PRINCE: Of course I'm alive. How do
you know my name?
STAN: What do you mean, how do I know your name, you, you,
you're Prince. You ruled Fire until Xev blew it up, and -
Isambard Prince, director of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms of the
United States of America, and I've been sent here to attempt to reason with the
STAN: What alien threat?
STAN: Oh, no no no, I
don't believe you, you're not Isamabard Prince, you're Prince! And you're evil!
And you ruled Fire until we blew it up. And you're here to kill me, aren't
(Prince moves closer to the pedestal - Stan backs
PRINCE: Why would I want to do that?
STAN: Because you're
bad! You're bad right to the core
(Prince runs his fingers along the
pedestal, sniffs them)
PRINCE: Then why didn't I just sneak up
behind you and kill you? It wouldn't have been difficult
790: It still isn't.
Please - strangle the security guard and make my day a better one
What is that?
STAN: A robot head with a defective programme, as if you didn't
790: A robot head in love with a dead man
PRINCE: So, captain Stanley - you've already destroyed one of the
planets in our solar system for no particular reason, and you have threatened to
destroy ours. What must I do, to save the Earth from you?
walking alongside a desert road. She sees a hitchhiker stick out his thumb and
get a ride. Xev looks at her thumb, then stands at the side of the road, hand on
hip and thumb out)
(The geeks drive their trailer near to a plume of
smoke, and get out to look at the remains of the moth)
(A blue truck
pulls up by Xev. Inside is a cute young man wearing a cowboy hat -
ROOSTER: Wanna go to my place, honey
(He opens the door for her. She gets in, and
away they go - all of twenty feet, to a trailer park)
(Kai is now walking
along the road, heading for the refinery)
(Tina is using a camcorder to
document the moth)
TINA: It seems to have some type of greenish
orange blood, but the controls are clearly mechanical
DOUG: Show the
(He points at a small Divine Order icon, embedded in the
flesh of the moth)
TINA: I am now zooming in on a symbol we've seen
on several parts of the UFO. There are seats, but no sign of any passengers -
except for a pair of human looking footprints leading away from the craft.
Footprints we will now follow
(Rooster's home. Rooster is sitting on
a couch watching TV. President Priest is being sworn in)
do solemnly swear, that I will uphold the integrity of the office of the
President of the United States, faithfully serve my country, to the best of my
ability, so help me doc. Dog
(Xev walks into the room and sits down
beside Rooster. He turns the TV off)
ROOSTER: Honey child - will you
(He kneels down on the
floor, beer can in hand)
ROOSTER: I feel it in my bones that you're
my one and only woman forever - and dagummit, I love you
But Rooster, we just met!
ROOSTER: Rooster likes to do things
XEV: Well, so do I
XEV: So - (she takes his beer
can away) Why don't we skip the marriage part and get on with
ROOSTER: What things?
XEV: You know - fun things
runs her finger down his chest, her mouth close behind. Rooster quickly gets up
and sits on the couch)
ROOSTER: I can't do that, honey child
ROOSTER: Because -
(He opens another beer, takes a gulp,
wipes his mouth)
ROOSTER: - this is Texas
(Meanwhile, back on the Lexx - )
STAN: You have to
understand that Stanley H Tweedle, and only Stanley H Tweedle can blow up your
planet, Earth, anytime I want - and I will do just that, unless you people on
Earth do something to improve my not so very good mood
790: Mr Prince - or, whoever - you are clearly evil. So kill Tweedle
now, and improve my mood
(Stan crouches down beside
STAN: 790 - why do you always wanna get me killed? You know, I
am not interested in the dead man
790: You could be hiding
(Stan shakes his head, and gets up)
PRINCE: Stanley -
captain - what do you want? What do we have to give you?
STAN: Well, um
(cough) I like women, really. You got any women?
PRINCE: You can have
whatever kind of woman you want
STAN: Oh (smiles) And my own
kingdom. I want a place, where only I rule, and everybody does everything that I
PRINCE: You can have whatever country you want - within reason, of
STAN: Well, yeah and, um -
(He gets up on the pedestal,
STAN: I want a puppy - you know, I never had one when I was
little, and I always hoped someday I would
PRINCE: That might be
PRINCE: Well, you see, it's like this
(Prince grabs Stan's wrist, handcuffs it)
done! Now, throw him to his death over the edge of the bridge
gets up onto the pedestal with Stan)
STAN: You take this off right
away, or I'll tell the Lexx to blow up your planet
PRINCE: Go on Stanley,
blow it up
(He sniffs at Stan, then cuffs his other
PRINCE: You know me - I won't be bothered at all. It'll all be
over in a flash, and Xev will hardly suffer
STAN: You are Prince
Well done, Stanley
(He pats Stan's cheek, and gets down off the
PRINCE: You may be slow, but you do get there eventually.
Now - let us go and find a moth, and I will fly you down to my new
(Kai is almost at the refinery when the geekmobile catches up
KAI: Have you seen a love slave named Xev dressed in a
suit made from Cluster lizard skin?
DOUG: I wish! Are you from that crashed
bug ship back there?
KAI: Will you transport me to that building up
KAI: Thank you
(Kai holds onto the car door,
perching on the window)
DOUG: Ernst is gonna
(Meanwhile, back on the Lexx - )
PRINCE: As you
said Stanley, I am Prince. I remember where the moths are grown
tilt now, hard!
LEXX: As you command, Stan
(The Lexx tilts, Prince
wobbles, 790 falls off his trolley)
(Prince falls off the edge of the bridge, clings on by his
STAN: Lexx - level off
PRINCE: Stanley! Give me a hand
(Stan gets down from the pedestal, puts 790 back on his
STAN: Be good
(Stan walks to the
edge, looks down at Prince)
STAN: How about a foot
(He treads on Prince's fingers)
Stanley - Stanley, let's make a deal. I'll give you whatever you
(Stan crouches down and looks at him)
Please, I'm begging you
STAN: What did you say?
PRINCE: Stanley - please
don't kill me. I'll give you whatever you want
STAN: Ooo, that doesn't sound
like you at all. Maybe you're not Prince, I mean - Prince wouldn't care about
dying. He died, over and over again on Fire. But maybe Fire was a special place,
and maybe it doesn't work that way on Earth. So what's the deal, Prince? You
afraid, that you're really gonna die?
PRINCE: Stanley, we are both practical
men - let's make a deal that works for the both of us
STAN: Not a chance,
(790 wheels forward suddenly, and knocks Stan off the edge, but
he manages to hold on. Prince clambers up him back onto the bridge. He sits
down, picks up 790)
PRINCE: Thank you, robot head
please, cut him loose. And then, throw yourself over the edge
Stanley - or should I be saying goodbye?
STAN: I've got the only key to the
(Rooster's trailer. It's evening, and some of Rooster's friends
have arrived. Rooster is playing guitar, an old guy is on harmonica. Another
cute young cowboy - Dale - is dancing. The leather clad Chip is sitting next to
Xev, who is singing a song for Rooster, to the tune of If Only from
XEV: I'm getting hotter, I'm getting hungry too
mouth makes water, when I look at you
I wanna taste you, do you think I
I wanna eat you, do you think I should?
I'm a Cluster lizard, and
you smell so good
I'm a Cluster lizard, and you smell so damn
(Xev laughs. So do all the men)
CHIP: You got a
real talent there, Xev
ROOSTER: Tell em where you're from
again, Xev darling
XEV: I'm from B3K
OLDGUY: Is that in Texas?
No, I think that's near Abilene
XEV: No. Texas is in the Dark Zone. B3K is in
the Light Universe
OLDGUY: What y'all do there?
XEV: I was a love
CHIP: What exactly does a love slave do?
XEV: Whatever it takes to
make a man happy. See, I trained in the wife bank on B3K, and I've been waiting
forever to satisfy a man in need
CHIP: Well, I am most definitely a man in
XEV: You are? Well, then I can satisfy you!
(Rooster does not
look happy at this. He crushes his beer can)
XEV: I'm a love slave!
I want to satisfy men, and I want men to satisfy me! The more satisfaction the
ROOSTER: Honey child, you don't mean that
ROOSTER: You promised me. You said that I could have your hand in
ROOSTER: I will cherish and honour and
respect you, and you will obey me, that's what marriage is all about
Well - why don't we just forget about the marriage part and just get naked in
bed and do it?
CHIP: (laughs) I vote for that!
his arm around Xev. Dale sits beside her. The old guy starts taking his clothes
XEV: Finally! I was starting to get worried that there was
something wrong with the men on this planet
ROOSTER: Get your hands off my
CHIP: All right, all right, all right, Rooster my man! I was just
yanking your chain
OLDGUY: Yeah, we was just yanking your chain
Party's over. Y'all can leave now, come on, come on
(He grabs Dale
and shows him to the door. Chip whispers to Xev)
CHIP: When you hear
the owl calling, sneak outside and I'll be waiting - hotter than a three balled
tomcat in July
XEV: All right
(Rooster hauls Chip away, and
doesn't see Dale sneak back in to Xev)
DALE: If you'll meet me by
the mailbox, I'll be hotter than a - popsicle at the rodeo!
DALE: Wait for the call of the coyote
ROOSTER: Come on, thought I
already threw you out!
(Rooster throws Dale out again - leaving the
old guy with Xev)
OLDGUY: Skip out when you hear the rattle of the
sidewinder. Make me feel young again, little lady
OLDGUY: Hey Rooster, great party
(Rooster drags the old guy
out. He comes back, sits down and starts eating a bowl of
ROOSTER: Honey child - how could you do this to me?
ROOSTER: You promise yourself to me forever in holy matrimony, then
you start talking to them all like it was nothing?
XEV: I'm sorry
I'm hurting bad, honey child
(Xev kneels down in front of
ROOSTER: Right here - the old
(He pats at his heart. Xev takes his chips
XEV: I'll make you feel better
(She runs her hand
up his leg, but he takes hold of her hands)
ROOSTER: I can't let you
ROOSTER: I don't wanna lose respect for you. We'll get
married real soon, I promise
XEV: How soon?
ROOSTER: I think I can arrange
the preacher for the day after tomorrow
(Xev stands up, turns away
XEV: I don't know if I can hold out that long
Where are you going?
XEV: Back to the big building made out of pipes and
lights with the fire on top, where you picked me up
Kai'll be there now, he'll be waiting for me
(Rooster gets up, puts
his hand on her shoulder)
ROOSTER: Who's Kai?
ROOSTER: A man friend or a lady friend?
XEV: A man
ROOSTER: Do you love him?
XEV: He's dead, there's no satisfaction
in loving a dead man
(Rooster turns Xev to face
ROOSTER: Honey child, you are one weird mixed up girl. I dunno
what it is, but you drive me crazy. How you gonna get to the refinery?
I'll stick my thumb out, like I did when you picked me up
ROOSTER: Oh no you
(He sits her down, puts her legs up on the
ROOSTER: Some freak could pick you up. I'll take you there,
in the morning
(She lies back. He sits down beside
XEV: Rooster - what does an owl sound like?
XEV: Chip asked me to meet him when I hear the sound of the owl. Oh, and
what's a mailbox?
ROOSTER: The blue box you stick the mail into. Don't they
have them in B3K?
ROOSTER: I thought they were the same all across
the States. Why are you asking me this?
XEV: I agreed to meet the tall cute
dancing guy there
ROOSTER: Anybody else?
stands up, gets his rifle down off the wall, and starts loading
XEV: What's that?
ROOSTER: That, is what Chip's gonna find
waiting for him, just as soon as I hear his toowit toowooing, and the greeting
card Dale's gonna get in the mailbox
(The geek trailer arrives at a
sort of makeshift science lab. Tina introduces Kai to a man in a wheelchair. His
voice is instantly recognisable as that of His Divine Shadow, and the Wozzard
from 2.15 Woz)
TINA: Dr Ernst Longbore - Kai
KAI: I am looking
for a love slave named Xev. She is dressed in a Cluster lizard skin. I dropped
her at the petroleum oil refining building. I have searched the area and she is
no longer there
LONG: We want to leave this planet, will you help us?
What do you want?
LONG: We want to leave this planet
(A moth flies
to Earth. Inside, Prince kisses Stan on the cheek. Stan is not
STAN: Don't do that!
PRINCE: I'm so happy!
apart from the fact that you live there, this - Earth, what is it, a good planet
or a bad planet, or -
PRINCE: It's a bad planet Stanley, it's a splendidly
STAN: Yeah, 790 says it's a Type 13 planet
PRINCE: What does
STAN: Oh, just a planet that's about to be shrunk to the size of a
pea by some scientists looking for a particle
PRINCE: You don't say
Yeah, I do say - so that means you should just turn the moth around and go back
to the Lexx, and leave with us
PRINCE: What a good idea
STAN: Why aren't
you turning around?
PRINCE: Because I like this planet
STAN: You just
said it was a bad planet
PRINCE: Yes, and that's why I like it. However, I
will take you up on your offer - not just at the moment though, as I still have
many bad things to do here, but when I've done so many bad things that this
planet is no fun anymore, I will fly away in the Lexx and find another planet to
ruin - but not necessarily with you, Stanley Tweedle
STAN: You put that bomb in the Lexx, didn't you, the
one that went off in its stomach?
PRINCE: Indirectly, yes
you afraid you were just gonna blow the Lexx up?
PRINCE: No. You don't think that I'd expect the most powerful weapon in
the two universes to be damaged by a little bomb from a Type 13 planet, do
(The moth approaches something that looks like a big oil tank or
silo. It drops down through a door in the roof)
Longbore, Kai, Tina and Dougall are watching the video of the crashed
TINA: It seems to have some type of greenish orange blood, but
the controls are clearly mechanical
DOUG: Show the symbol!
TINA: I am now
zooming in on a symbol we've seen on several parts of the UFO
LONG: I have seen that symbol before
LONG: A number of places. What is it?
KAI: It is the symbolic icon
of the Divine Order
LONG: And what is the Divine Order?
KAI: The Divine
Order was a clerical organisation that once dominated the League of 20,000
Planets. The Divine Order was headed by His Divine Shadow, a human tyrant
possessed of an insect essence - the enemy of humankind
LONG: You use the
past tense. What happened to the Divine Order?
KAI: It was destroyed during
the Cleansing, when all humans from the League of 20,000 were summoned to the
Cluster, to be fed to a very large insect, called the GigaShadow
KAI: No. The entire universe was destroyed
LONG: But if
the universe was destroyed, how is it that we are here now?
KAI: The universe
that was destroyed was the Light Universe, which once existed in the same time
and space as the Dark Zone
LONG: So, we are in the Dark Zone
KAI: Yes -
the universe of evil, chaos and depravity
(Xev is asleep on the
couch. Rooster is ready with his gun. Chip arrives on a buggy, and Rooster goes
out to meet him)
CHIP: Hey Rooster! What's up?
ROOSTER: You tell
CHIP: I'm just out for a morning walk
ROOSTER: Is that
CHIP: Yeah. So, er - when's the wedding?
ROOSTER: There ain't gonna
be no wedding
CHIP: Why not? Ah - you're gonna live in sin, aren't
CHIP: Well, what then?
ROOSTER: There ain't gonna be
no wedding, because I'm gonna be dead
CHIP: Say what?
ROOSTER: I'm gonna
kill myself - that is, if the cops don't shoot me first
CHIP: Well, that's -
that's real sad, Rooster. Especially when things are starting to look up for ya,
ROOSTER: Yep. Real sad. For me - and for you too
CHIP: What, what are
you on about there, Rooster?
ROOSTER: Lemmee explain it to you. I plan to
shoot you square in your double crossing chest - right about now
hold on, hold on Rooster! Come on, come on, me and you was always good buddies.
Look, here I am just out taking a morning walk, and, and thinking about you, as
a fact, and you start putting this crazy thing on me -
ROOSTER: She's my
woman, boy - forever
(Longbore has set up a screen, projected onto
which is an old drawing of a hooded figure with the Divine Order icon, next to a
sort of coffin)
LONG: It could be mere coincidence, but the number
of segments in this symbol is precisely the same as in your
(Tina wheels Longbore closer to the screen. Another picture, of
the icon above a pile of dead stick figures)
LONG: This was
uncovered in the first Chaldean city of Ur in Sumeria, approximately 4000 BC.
Once again - the identical number of segments, and once again, we find it
associated with death
(Another picture - a painting, again showing
the hooded figure)
LONG: This painting hangs in a small church in
the foothills of the Carpathian mountains, in Eastern Hungary. Tell me your
KAI: Tell me your story
LONG: My name is Dr Ernst W Longbore. Till
recently I was associated with a team of researchers divided between this
planet's most powerful nuclear particle accelerators. My team has been building
ever more powerful particle accelerators, trying to determine the mass, if any,
of the Higgs-Boson, in order to complete our picture of the basic building
blocks of this universe. But I alone realised that the experiment we were doing
was extremely dangerous, and would trigger a chain reaction that would cause the
entire planet to instantly collapse into an ultra dense particle, about the size
of a pea. We were drowning in the sea of our own insanity. I tried to stop the
project, but in their blind rush to be the first to measure the Higgs-Boson,
no-one would listen. I warned the government, and for my efforts to save the
human race I was fired, dismissed from WAARP - the World Association of Applied
Research Physicists - and stripped of all seven of my PhDs.
trivia time - on a door behind Longbore it says DZ4 - 4.02)
(Back at the
trailer park, things are not going well)
ROOSTER: Get on your
(Chip does as he's told. Rooster takes aim)
ROOSTER: Say your prayers, Chip
CHIP: Come on, buddy
ROOSTER: You got 10 seconds - 9, 8, 7 -
CHIP: Rooster buddy boy, Rooster
ROOSTER: 6, 5, 4, 3 -
(And then the old guy arrives on the
scene. He aims a gun at Rooster)
OLDGUY: Hey! Now put that down
Rooster, so as I don't have ta shoot ya
ROOSTER: I'm gonna shoot you too, old
OLDGUY: What fer?
ROOSTER: Couldn't catch a wink of sleep with your
damn rattling all night
OLDGUY: Put that gun down, Rooster
was my one and only woman
(Rooster shoots the old guy, who manages to
get off a shot and wound him. Xev wakes up. Chip tries to run, but Rooster
shoots him. Xev looks out of the window)
(She races out of the trailer. Rooster is advancing on the
ROOSTER: Ain't no-one gonna mess -
ROOSTER: - with my woman!
(Dale has also arrived. He runs
to a truck, gets a gun)
XEV: Rooster! Rooster, what are you
(Rooster turns, shoots Dale. Dale shoots Rooster, then falls
to the ground. Chip grabs his gun from his buggy. Rooster and Chip shoot each
other. Rooster falls to his knees, still aiming at Chip. Xev stands beside
ROOSTER: Honey child?
ROOSTER: You are my one and only woman
(He falls over,
XEV: Oh, Rooster (sighs) What a
(Back in the lab, Longbore serves up another slice of
LONG: Sometime within the next twelve months, either
Fermilab or CERN will reach the power level needed to determine the Higgs-Boson,
and therefore, within the next twelve months, this planet will be shrunk to the
size of a pea. We tried to sabotage the facilities, but they're onto us now. We
know we can't stop Fermilab or CERN, the government will not listen to us, the
media think we are a crazed cult. So we chose to gamble all our limited
resources on one almost hopeless bet
KAI: And what is
(Longbore grabs Kai's chest, pulls him down)
You. We have been searching the skies and continuously broadcasting a distress
message into space for two years now. We knew that unless we were rescued by
advanced extra-terrestrials we would all die this year, along with every other
plant, animal and micro-organism on this doomed planet. Thank you. Thank you.
KAI: What for?
LONG: For answering our call
KAI: I have not
answered your call. I came to this planet with Xev, to learn if it was a good
place for her to find suitable men who would make her happy
LONG: This planet
is not a good place for anyone to do anything
VOICE: You're wrong about that
- this is one hell of a planet!
DOUG: The ATF!
(Three men in black
swing down from the ceiling on ropes and start shooting geeks - until Kai's
brace makes short work of them. One through the chest, and a double
decapitation. Tina looks at him with awe)
DOUG: How did
you do that?
KAI: I was an assassin in the Divine Order, 6000 years ago. Who
DOUG: The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms
KAI: Why were
they attempting to kill you?
LONG: We don't know exactly. The ATF recently
destroyed SETI - the organisation that searched for extraterrestrial life, with
which we were closely associated
(Longbore looks at the picture on
the screen again)
LONG: That action makes no sense, unless you
believe as I do, that the blight of inexplicable and irrational events that have
lately beset this world are a cry of pain, from a planet that knows it is
(Kai touches the picture)
KAI: I would like to
know more about this individual
KAI: Will you help me find
LONG: Will you help us leave this planet?
LONG: We will
try to help you find her
(The trailer park. A sheriff is taking Xev's
SHERIFF: Now ma'am, what did you say your story
XEV: Well, I promised Rooster that I was going to marry him, but I
didn't want to hold out two more days until we - did it, you know? Rooster
decided to have a party to announce the wedding, and so he invited all his
friends to come over
SHERIFF: What friends?
XEV: All of them. And some of
them were really nice, you know, they said they wanted to make love with me. I
wanted to, so I agreed to meet them
XEV: Well (points at
the bodies) Chip, and Dale, and the old guy too. But I guess, Rooster
wasn't so happy about that, and, and so he took his weapon thing and went
outside, and then - they all killed each other
SHERIFF: Now what'd you say
XEV: I'm a love slave from the planet B3K
SHERIFF: And where is
XEV: That's in the Light Universe
SHERIFF: Now is that near
XEV: No. It's in a parallel universe - but it doesn't exist anymore,
since it was destroyed by drone arms
(The sheriff smiles, puts his
note book away)
SHERIFF: Well ma'am - I'm gonna have to ask you to
XEV: What for?
SHERIFF: Just turn around
(She turns her back to him, and he cuffs her hands behind
SHERIFF: Ma'am - I'm placing you under arrest, on suspicion of
XEV: You think I did this?
SHERIFF: Ma'am, it don't matter what I
think. What matters is what the state of Texas thinks. But for now I'm gonna
take you and lock you up, so you don't cause any more trouble
SHERIFF: Prison. Come on
(He puts her in his
(Stan is also a prisoner. He is strapped to a wall, very high up in
the ATF bunker, next to Digby, the kid from 4.1 Little Blue Planet. Stan yells
at the tiny figures moving below)
STAN: Get me down outta here! I'm
Stanley H Tweedle, captain of the Lexx!
DIGBY: Don't worry. After a few weeks
you get used to it
(Stan looks at him)
(The Lexx orbits the moon. A swarm of tiny probes fly past it,
heading for Earth)
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana